Suffering In Silence
by Kibble Beast
Summary: Starscream finally realises he's being bullied by Megatron, and that he might be able to get help- surprisingly, from a helpline. Unfortunately, said Decepticon Commander finds out. Can they conquer their issues? Utter idiocy in the movie-verse. :3
1. The Problems Always Begin At Home

**If it's not obvious, I'd like to mention now that bullying is not fun. At all.**

**Well- in real life, it's not. Oddly, Starscream getting bullied is just amazing and everyone loves it. :D**

**Right, backstory: this is a piece of utter oddness that just tripped me up on my first day back to school.**

**I looked in my homework diary and found a page on bullying. Some of the phrases just made me think: MEGATRON! STARSCREAM!**

**What else could I do, fellow Transfans? It was begging to be written. Begging.**

**Anyway, this is my version of the movie-verse, which means that Jetfire isn't dead. ;O Because I love him.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Starscream was flicking channels. It annoys everyone, but everybody flicks channels at some point or other, so you can't hold it against him. Unless you're perfect. Let's assume you're not, and resume this tale.

Starscream was flicking channels. And, as you do when you flick channels, you briefly see things that catch your eye. So you flick back, but then you either can't find it, or it wasn't interesting anyway.

You've probably gotten the impression that Starscream was flicking channels by now, so I shan't mention it again. Anyway, as he was flicking, he saw something in black and white.

This isn't very common nowadays, so he was naturally intrigued. Perhaps it was one of those brilliantly corny Westerns.

He actually found the correct channel again, and settled upon it.

The camera was focusing jerkily on a small human child, cowering under a bed with a stuffed bear.

Starscream watched incredulously. What was this?

_"Max hears the footsteps, and he hides."_

Maybe it was an old horror film.

"_Max is brave, but he is afraid of his Daddy. When his Daddy comes up the stairs at night, he knows he is in trouble."_

The screen blacked out on a frightened whimper, and a different voice spoke as details faded onto the screen.

_"Don't suffer in silence. Contact us."_

Starscream blinked, shivered, then decided to do something else. It was too early before the water-shed to be having such scary adverts.

Suddenly, he was aware that someone was standing behind him- you know, one of those deep, ominous feelings in the very bottom of your fleshling stomach that warns you of such doomly things.

Starscream turned around to see Megatron flexing his claws menacingly.

"...M-my liege...?"

It is unnecessary to say that the deep, ominous feeling wasn't a good one.

* * *

Six minutes later, Starscream wheezed weakly.

Right, so Megatron had been a _bit _unhappy, and maybe- for _once_- rightfully so. Maybe Starscream _shouldn't_ have been watching television when he did have two roles to fulfil- both that of Air Commander and Second in Command.

However, all Megatron seemed to want in a second was someone to abuse regularly, so he had only been neglecting his other position.

Said Decepticon Commander snorted at him. "Go and attempt to do something useful. I tire of your wheezing and heaving."

_He _had hardly been the one heaving. That was it, Starscream decided. He had had enough. This had gone on for too long, and it was time to do something.

He, Starscream, would contact the Suffering in Silence helpline. It wasn't like anything bad could come out of it.

Climbing to his pedes, he began to limp away, only to hear a fusion cannon be primed menacingly.

"You forget something."

Starscream turned around slowly. "...Of c-course, my lord."

He tried to make the bow as mocking as possible.

Unfortunately, Megatron noticed this, and did not approve.

* * *

It was another couple of days before Starscream had the time, strength, or willpower to sit down at the computer and write out an email.

However, these days were not spent doing nothing; he couldn't remember the email address of the helpline.

He had spent as much time as possible watching the television, but the blasted advert hadn't come on.

Starscream now knew that favouritism was alive and well within the Decepticon ranks; the fact had been blatantly shoved in his face earlier.

This is what had happened.

Soundwave had left his lady-love orbiting the Earth, and deigned to join them in the base.

Starscream had been desperately flicking channels in the rec. room (in what seemed like vain hope to find the advert), when he had been 'called' by Megatron.

He remembered it well.

_**"STARRRRRRRSCREAAAAAAAAAM!"**_

_Why he couldn't just comm. anyone, Starscream didn't know. He just _had _to shout, didn't he. Disturb everyone._

_/_Yes, my liege?_/ he replied sweetly, still speeding through the channels._

_"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU SHOULD BE-"_

_Upon seeing a black and white advert, Starscream stopped, and went back a channel- but it was for drugs. He huffed quietly._

_"-ARE YOU LISTENING? YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE WATCHING THAT TELEVISION AGAIN!"_

_/..._No, my liege_...?/_

_"YOU CANNOT LIE! YOUR LIES ARE **ALMOST **AS USELESS AS YOU!"_

_Starscream didn't have an appropriate reply, so he continued flicking through. The rage emanating from Megatron was palpable, even through the corridors of the base. It hit him like a mallet. A big, strong mallet._

_"GET HERE NNOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!"_

_Where, exactly? How could he get 'here' when he didn't know where 'here' was? And, this meant he couldn't possibly arrive 'now', because he'd have to find out where Megatron was first._

_/..._Where is 'here', my lord?_/_

_"YOU ARE SO PATHETIC AND **USELESS**!"_

_Starscream's wings drooped slightly and he closed his optics. Then, with a sigh, he stood, leaving the television on- he might be lucky; if the advert returned and he heard it, he might be able to get back in time to see the end._

_He trooped out, preparing to be verbally assaulted due to his lack of abilities. This time, he supposed, it would likely be not only the original matter, but the fact that he couldn't locate someone by 'here' alone and not being able to arrive instantly. No doubt some abuse about being useless would creep in, but this was normal by now._

_Didn't mean it hurt any less._

* * *

_After a long 'discussion', Starscream limped back into the rec. room, only to stop in surprise. "What is this?"_

_Soundwave was bending over the television._

_The Seeker was frozen momentarily. "HAVEN'T YOU HAD ENOUGH WITH YOUR SATELLITES? YOU-"_

_Soundwave turned, saw Starscream, and waved a tendril._

_"DON'T EVEN DO THAT!"_

_The Communications Officer clicked in satisfaction, and released the television. He then settled back and began to watch a program._

_Starscream fumed. "I was watching!"_

_"Correction; Soundwave is now."_

_"No, no no!" Starscream's talons clenched stiffly as _Technology Channel_ loaded, and some human machines were displayed dramatically._

_Soundwave watched appreciatively._

_"I **order **you to move!"_

_Soundwave, not one to disobey orders, shuffled along the couch._

_"Not like that, you- FINE!" Starscream howled. "I'll stand in front of the television and BLOCK your view until you surrender!"_

_Megatron burst in through the door. "Soundwave, tell me you know what he's been-"_

_He caught sight of Starscream pointing angrily at the television. Soundwave looked a little less apathetic than usual._

_"What are you two doing?"_

_The Seeker span round and hissed. "He came in here and commandeered the television! I was using it!"_

_"No, you weren't. You were with me. I should know. I am **Megatron**, after all."_

_"But before that!"_

_"You said you weren't watching the television beforehand," Megatron narrowed his optics. "Which is it?"_

_Starscream stamped his pede, then winced. "That's not fair!"_

_Megatron snorted. "Soundwave was here first."_

_"**I **wa-"_

_"**You** spend too much time in here," Megatron announced. "You are neglecting your duties, and I see fit to ban you from using this room and its facilities."_

_Starscream gaped. "You can't be-"_

_"You shall remain confined to your own room."_

_His optic twitched. "What? Why?"_

_"Complain and you'll be confined to **my **room."_

_Starscream barely heard the new threat. "I'm not a sparkling anymore!"_

_"You act like one."_

_Starscream snarled, then turned to dive at a surprised Soundwave (who had been happily watching _Technology Channel_) and attempt to wrestle the remote control off of him. "GIVE IT HERRREEEE!"_

_The Communications Officer rapidly wrapped some tendrils around the Seeker, binding his limbs._

_"FRAG YOU!"_

_"Language, Starscream," Megatron admonished with a large, unsettling grin._

_The second squirmed unhappily as Soundwave tightened his grip. "Let me go-!"_

_Soundwave was about to comply when Megatron sighed menacingly. "No. Keep him there. He needs-"_

_How anyone sighed menacingly, Starscream could not fathom. Then again, Megatron was-_

_"-**Megatron**!" shouted Megatron. "...What have you to say for yourself, Seeker?"_

_Starscream scowled and bit a wandering tentacle viciously._

_Soundwave moaned, and the tendrils tightened further._

_The repulsed and squeezed Air Commander coughed, but didn't let go, instead mauling the trapped tendril._

_Megatron narrowed his optics. "Release Soundwave."_

_Starscream growled, but grudgingly opened his mouth. Soundwave's tendril slapped into and then slowly stroked down his face._

_"You disgust me," Starscream spat, trying to edge away._

_"Perhaps Starscream prefers _Future Machines_ as a channel," Soundwave suggested, changing the program. Some sleek jets were drifting in the sky._

_The Seeker groaned quietly, then turned his helm away. He would like to have smashed it into something hard. This might have stopped the madness._

_"Symptoms of addiction identified," Soundwave continued. "Starscream feels embarrassment due to his obsession-"_

_Megatron cackled. "Admit it, Starscream. Is this what you like?"_

_"I'm leaving," the Seeker snarled. "You're getting no satisfaction out of me."_

_He wriggled fruitlessly, as Soundwave did not release him._

_"This is RIDICULOOOUUS!"_

_"Attacking your fellow Decepticons is ridiculous," Megatron declared with great glee. "Neglecting your duties is ridiculous. Making-"_

_"I have done neither of those things!"_

_"Did you or did you not leap at Soundwave just now? And then bite him?"_

_"N- yes, but-"_

_"Lying to me is ridiculous."_

_"Will you shut up?"_

_Megatron paused. "What did you say?"_

_"...Nothing...?"_

_"You're lying, again!"_

_"No, I'm no- ARGGHH!"_

_Soundwave squeezed the Seeker roughly._

_"Alright, so I lied!"_

_Megatron purred, and stroked his own chin magnificently. "Thank you, Starscream. Soundwave; release him. He is to go to his room."_

_The second snarled inwardly before realising-too late- that he had, in fact, done so aloud as well._

_"You'd rather stay here? That's fine."_

_Starscream savagely snapped at another tendril and sank his fangs into it. Soundwave rumbled in surprise and the appendages loosened._

_This was all the opportunity Starscream needed; he took it immediately and dived out of the room, locking the door behind him._

_This should give him time to sufficiently get away. He ignored Megatron's roarings and started bolting._

_Through the door, the television program switched to adverts._

"Jenny can't tell anyone what they do to her."

_He paused, audio receptors pricking._

_"OPEN THIS DOOR, YOU USELESS PIECE OF-"_

"They tell her that she's worthless-"

_"FRAG!" Starscream wailed, racing back to the door._

_"Open this door, Starscream!"_

_"ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the Seeker howled, dancing in front of the entrance in indecision._

"And she knows that no one can stop them."

_"SOUNDWAVE! GET THIS DOOR OPEN BEFORE I BLOW IT TO PIECES!"_

_Starscream banged his helm into the door and unlocked it._

_A slightly amazed Megatron found himself looking at a dejected Seeker. "You actually obeyed me?"_

_Starscream snarled, shot past him, and threw himself towards the television._

_He caught the very end of the advert, memorised the email, and flipped backwards to avoid some tendrils, only to find more chasing after him._

_"You're deranged," Megatron sighed, locking the door again. "Soundwave, hold him."_

Starscream shuddered. He'd like to forget that.

He turned back to the dilemma at hand.

He wanted to write the email all at once- then he could send it immediately, without second thoughts or any chances to delete the thing.

Or, for that matter, chances for that accursedly accursed tentacled freak to hack around and find it.

He typed the first line, then paused, unsure of what to put. How did one express oneself when one was used to Suffering in Silence?

It wasn't like he could ask anyone for advice. He may as well just get on with it before someone burst in on him.

There was no such thing as privacy.

Suspiciously, he looked over his shoulder for any lurking individuals, only to see his wing blocking his view.

With a twitch of said appendage, this problem was solved.

Peeking behind him, no one seemed to be there.

He turned back to the computer. What could he say? He didn't want to sound all whiny and helpless, because he wasn't, not really.

He was Starscream, after all. It was annoying how much he had sounded like Megatron at that moment, but it was true.

He wasn't a pathetic mech. He had many skills. He could take on Autobots- _and_, not to mention, was actually able to use his processor. Unlike _some _individuals.

Starscream sighed, then bit his lip. This was ridiculous. He should just leave it.

No. Even if he didn't send it, he still needed to write this; to see the problems laid out before him in clear text.

Some hidden resolve pricked up his wings. He flexed his talons, and quickly began typing.

* * *

Megatron stroked his chin as he contemplated how Evil he was.

He sat like this a while, a perfected Evil smirk crossing his faceplates now and then as he thought of Evil things.

"_It__'s over **NINE THOUSAAAAANNNNNDDD**!_"

The sudden alert from his computer ended his concentration, and he swivelled across to have a look at his agenda. (Soundwave had insisted he organise his day.)

One hour of Evil Contemplation: complete.

Next up on the itinerary was to spy on his subordinates.

He swivelled himself back to the computer and opened up footage from security cameras. This was actually rather fun- which was why _he_ did it, and didn't delegate it to some minion.

He narrowed his optics as he scanned the rec. room. If Starscream was in there, he was going to have a painful shock.

He wasn't. Well, that was a surprise.

Was he in his room? Megatron checked the footage.

Amazingly, yes. He appeared to be doing something on the computer.

"He's going to have square optics any day soon," Megatron scowled. "Do I have to limit _anything _electrical?"

There was a loud crash. One of the tiny displays showed Barricade lunging for Rumble, who was asking about the whereabouts of Frenzy.

Soundwave was busy ignoring his offspring, working on his own computer in the background.

Megatron wondered what the other mech was up to. Zooming in on the desktop, he saw some satellite pictures.

He had seen nothing like them before, and didn't wish to see anything of the like again.

The commander opened up a new window and checked out what his subordinates had been up to online.

Soundwave had ordered some catnip- Megatron didn't even know anymore- and had complained about his magazine subscriptions not arriving.

Megatron supposed it had something to do with the delivery address of 'Decepticon Base/Earth's Orbit'.

The Seekers hadn't done much of note.

It wasn't like Ravage or his brethren could type, so they weren't worth checking.

Nor- but what was Starscream up to?

An alert had just popped up. "_Warning: Starscream is acting suspiciously._"

He could see the Air Commander looking around warily, wings twitching.

Megatron narrowed his optics, and stroked his chin again with a glorious frown. The Seeker appeared to be writing something.

"SOUNDWAAAVE!" he shouted, in his perfected Base Bass Bellow Technique.

He saw Starscream glance around nervously at the same time the Communications Officer glanced up from his hastily screensavered images. /_Lord Megatron_?/

The Seeker's behaviour was arousing suspicion.

"I WANT **USELESS' **DOCUMENT!" he roared.

Starscream's helm snapped up.

Soundwave paused._ /__/Hacking in progress./_

"I DON'T JUST WANT HIM HACKED! I WANT HIM RES-"

Megatron's attention was diverted as Starscream bolted for his door, chair falling with a crash.

"Hah, it's locked," Megatron muttered gleefully. "Didn't think it would be that easy, did-"

Starscream charged up some cannons that the mech had not seen before- and therefore had not considered- and blasted his way out.

"Damn."

* * *

The Seeker panted, flattening himself against the wall.

No one seemed to be following him, but he had definitely heard Megaton shouting. And this was never good news. Especially when the word 'useless' was involved.

He couldn't get out of the base- it had been locked down for some reason, but perhaps he could hide it out.

Maybe the Autobots had attacked the base, causing the lockdown, and Megatron was distracted.

Starscream found himself wishing that the Autobots were suddenly berserk savages and not pacifists, and were currently howling violent war cries whilst hurling themselves into the base, blasting anything, everything, and nothing.

This didn't seem too hard to imagine for Ironhide. Maybe if Prime died, Ironhide would take command.

"Prime has to go," he muttered.

"Pardon, Starscream...?"

The second yelped and shot away from the threatening voice.

"Who has to go?" Megatron silently emerged from some shadowy corner.

"N-no one, my liege."

"Don't lie to me."

Starscream began to back away. "P-Prime?"

"...Optimus? At last we agree on something." Megatron paused. "Were you planning on doing this?"

What was the right answer? Starscream quickly made a decision. "...Yes?"

The commander narrowed his optics, seeing the Seeker was out of arm's reach. "_No_, Starscream-! Only I get to annihilate Optimus. He's mine, you hear?"

"Of c-course, master," Starscream hurriedly agreed. "Prime's entirely yours; I wouldn't touch him."

"So, you wouldn't do it?"

At least he knew this answer. "No, my lord."

"Then you're a coward," Megatron hissed, tensing.

Starscream saw the slight movements and instantly fled down a conveniently placed corridor- even though he wouldn't be able to get out of the base, hopefully he could lose the bigger mech.

He threw himself through another entrance, only to find himself in another room.

Spinning around, he flung himself back out- straight into Megatron. Starscream winced as he collided with the other mech's chassis.

He shook his whirling helm, then realised what he had run into and backed away with a whimper. "S-sorry, master-"

Megatron's fusion cannon materialised, and he pointed into the room.

Starscream thought about running; although it was an incredibly powerful weapon, Megatron's aim wasn't that impressive. Then again, he didn't look very happy at all; it was unlikely that this would be dropped.

Maybe he just wanted to talk about tactics, or something of the like.

Quietly, he reversed into the room, optics on Megatron's cannon. The other Decepticon followed, and the doors closed with a click behind him.

Starscream's wings rose in agitation, but he tried to calm himself. He had done nothing wrong today.

Perhaps Megatron thought that they'd lock themselves in the room until they came up with an unbeatable strategy. Yes, that must be it.

"...My liege?"

There was a short silence.

"Tell me, Starscream. Are you-" the silver mech narrowed his optics and paused infinitesimally. "-content?"

The Seeker twitched. "Content?"

"Yes, fool," Megatron visibly controlled himself. "Happy. Cheerful. Full of joy." He consulted the internet. "Are you one with _boundless elation_... are you _beaming _with _gay delight_?"

Starscream shuffled. "I surely am."

"Are you lying again?"

"Yes," Starscream muttered, then shrank back as Megatron snarled. "Nonono, my liege, no-! Serving you _fills _me with such feelings!"

"Of course it does." Megatron moved forwards.

Starscream looked frantically around but saw no means of escape.

"Why don't you tell me the truth?" The commander heard Starscream mutter something in response. "What was that?"

Starscream shrieked in frustration. "BECAUSE YOU'LL HIT ME!"

"Why would I do that?" Megatron remained alarmingly calm, but advanced again.

The Seeker gulped and stepped away- into a wall. With a squeak, he tried to dive past, but Megatron slammed him backwards into a corner, then smiled disarmingly.

"I am smiling disarmingly," the commander noted vigilantly. "And I am _Megatron_. You are disarmed by the disarming smile and you cannot deny me. For I... am... _MEGATRON_!"

Starscream tried to duck past, but-

"My bulk is too great!"

He wondered if he could go over, but-

"My height is too great! Watch me loom over you! Feel my MEGA-LOOM!"

Starscream dropped to the ground and was about to scrabble under-

Megatron grabbed the Seeker just as he was squirming between his legs.

Starscream yelped and attempted to wriggle away, but the bigger mech held him there firmly by the scruff.

With a whimper, he stopped struggling.

"Starscream, Starscream, _Starscream_! Will you ever learn?"

"I wish to l-leave." Starscream announced, to no response. He lowered his wings meekly with a piteous noise. "Master, c-could you not hold me here?"

"Between my legs? You went there, not I."

"Please!"

Megatron thought, then gripped a wing with his free hand, claws digging in painfully. "No."

Starscream whined and kicked at him feebly.

"Tell me what you're up to, and I may."

"M-my lord?"

"You've been very suspicious lately. What have you been doing?"

"No, n-nothing-"

Megatron shook him roughly. Each word was punctuated by a shake. An emphasised word had a sharp knee to the abdomen. "When**_eve__r_** you say _'**nothing**_' there's _un**doubt**edly** some**thing_."

Starscream shrieked and coughed, and latched onto his leg with a whimper. "I'm n-not usurping you, master!"

Megatron growled and flipped him over."I never said you were usurping me, liar. Why exactly did _usurping _spring to mind?"

Starscream drooped miserably. It was hard to appeal to an interfacing panel. Especially when said panel was both practically touching and impending upon you. "M-my liege, I honestly have done n-nothing-"

"There's that word _again_," Megatron nearly sang.

"But I haven't! You must b-believe me!"

"I _must_? I _must _do nothing. I am _Megatron_. I advise you to tell me now before Soundwave does."

Starscream felt like crying. "I h-haven't gone against you!"

Megatron was suddenly contacted by Soundwave. /..._Analysis, Starscream is up to something. Phrase worthy of note: 'I haven't gone against you'. He does not deny doing something./_

The commander's optics narrowed. "**I SEE, SOUNDWAVE**...!"

Starscream hissed and glared dangerously at Megatron's interfacing panel. "Soundwave is trying to get me in trouble, isn't he-! The slimy-"

"_Watch _yourself, Starscream. Know your place."

The Seeker quietened, but glowered at the panel.

"How did you know about Soundwave?"

"You shouted his n-name, my liege."

"You eavesdropped upon our conversation!"

"Wha- no! I didn't! You cried out before me!"

"You'll be crying out shortly," Megatron snarled.

The Air Commander whimpered.

"Come now, Starscream," the bigger mech growled, smashing him into the wall. "We must work this out-!" He squeezed the other mech's throat for some unnecessary emphasis and continued. "We don't want anyone saying that the Decepticons are incompetent, do we? We can surely get along sufficiently- and _all _you have to do is just remember who your commander is."

Starscream choked and tried to inconspicuously wriggle free. "B-but that's jus-just it, my liege-"

"Ohhh?"

The Seeker gathered his shredded confidence. If he didn't say it now, he likely never would. "I-"

"Hurry up," Megatron snapped in a timely interruption.

Starscream withered. "Never m-mind."

"Tell me."

"No-"

"That would be an order- you know the whole master-servant relationship? ...I knew you were stupid, but not _that _stupid."

Starscream scratched fruitlessly at the hand holding him. "Well... I saw a-"

"Do I care? Do I look bothered, to you?"

The Seeker glanced up to glimpse Megatron's decidedly annoyed expression. It was the expression that told him unless-he-redeemed-himself-soon-he-was-in-it-deeply. _Soundwave deep._

Truth was the only option. Hurriedly, he rushed to appease the mech. "I wrote an email to c-contact a helpline..." He trailed away miserably.

"And?"

Another glance told him that Megatron didn't look particularly pleased.

"But I didn't send it-! I can delete it- and I will, b-because it was stupid, and I was s-stupid to do it-"

"Didn't catch that," Megatron sighed. "What did you say?"

"...I'm stupid?" Starscream wilted even more.

"No. Try again." The commander dug his claws into Starscream's wing.

The Seeker screeched. "I'M STUPID! I'M _STUUUUPIIID_!"

Megatron tried to choke back a laugh. That was timeless. "Really? I feel inclined to agree. Continue."

"There's n-nothing else-"

"There's that 'nothing' word again," Megatron mused calmly.

Starscream tried to shrink away. "W-what do you want to know?"

"Lots of things, my dear Starscream. _Why_?"

"...Bec-because I... because-"

Megatron narrowed his optics as the Seeker stammered, unable to develop further.

He kindly decided to tug out his embedded claws somewhat from Starscream's wing. The other mech froze in mid-stutter.

"Tell me. If you don't say a thing, how will anything ever happen?"

The wing underneath his claws fluttered nervously. "...I f-feel abused?"

"Is that a question?"

"No-"

"So don't make it one."

Having to say it again only made it harder. "I-I feel ab-abused."

"You feel abused."

Starscream knew this was a mistake. Knew it.

"How so?"

"_How so_?"

"Sounds like your audio receptors are working perfectly well," Megatron sneered, dropping him.

"...Y-you aren't particularly f-fair or gentle," Starscream hesitated frequently, slowly picking himself up.

With a deep growl, Megatron thrust him back harshly against the wall. "Have you got a problem with being a subordinate?"

"N-no, master, no-"

"So what are you whinging about?"

The Seeker moaned. "Th- the way I get t-treated!"

Megatron screwed up his faceplates in disgust. "You deserve everything you get."

Starscream wailed in frustration. "But I don't even betray you like I did in G1!"

"Does Ravage ever change his spots?"

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind," the commander snarled, then slammed him into the wall just because he _could_. "You are disloyal in many ways- betrayal is not simply attacking at every opportunity. And you did betray me majorly when you flunked that battle on Earth, in case you have forgotten. I'll take this fine opportunity to remind you of how you skipped off to to sparklingsit for the Fallen."

"But-! They were our-"

"Decepticons needed someone to '_take command'_, didn't you say?"

Starscream hung his helm in realisation. "I-I'm sorry, my lord."

"I wasn't even dead! You must have thought about replacing me whilst I was alive! Why did you actually process the thought before my body was even _vaguely _cold?" Megatron's optics almost widened as he came to a realisation, immediately snarling. "Prime and his boy stayed for longer than _you_!"

The Seeker whimpered with an anticipatory cringe, ready to receive any sort of blow.

None came. Megatron released him and strode over to a window.

Starscream massaged his neck, then looked up.

The silence grew.

"M-master?"

There was no reply. Starscream whimpered and edged closer. "M-master...?"

"..._Prime _and his _boy _stuck around longer than you," Megatron repeated quietly. "In my last moments, do you know what I heard? ...No. Of course you don't. As I died, I heard Optimus expressing regret- albeit in that idiotic, heroic way of his. My brother still cared, even after _everything _he believes in- did you even mind? In those two years? At all?"

Starscream crept up to him and knelt, bowing his helm.

"You feel abused, do you...? Well, I feel betrayed," the commander continued. "By my own Second in Command, who is surely supposed to be- among other things- my most loyal."

The Seeker's wings drooped, and he closed his optics. "I failed you, my lord."

"You did."

The silence stretched again.

"So, remind me," Megatron suddenly growled. "You're abused how?"

Starscream realised the moment had passed and whipped out a piece of paper, holding it between them like a shield. An A5 paper shield.

Megatron regarded it in great disdain. "What is that?"

"A piece of paper, Lord Megatron."

"How dumb do you think I am? Do not toy with me."

"I-it is a piece of paper detailing wh-" Starscream stopped.

"What now?"

"It doesn't m-matter, I'll destroy it-"

Megatron's sigh was enveloped in a rumbling snarl. _"Give it to me._"

The Seeker hesitated, then attempted to crush it.

Megatron grabbed his wrist and yanked it so his palm faced upwards. His talons were tightly curled around the tiny paper.

"Now, Starscream."

"N-no," the smaller mech whined, trying to pull away. "It was a foolish thing to do! And I w-won't ever do it again, and perhaps I could go now-!"

He looked hopefully at the door.

"Do you honestly think that you're getting out of here without leaving me satisfied?"

The mech's wings twitched, and he whimpered. "...If- if you try to get the paper by force, it'll be destroyed in the p-process, and you'll be left w-with nothing-"

"Correct. _You_ are nothing, Starscream. ...And you underestimate me. I am Megatron. I do not need to get the paper by force."

"Y-you don't?"

"No," Megatron smiled pleasantly, then narrowed his optics. "Open your hand _now_, or I'll rip your wings off."

The Seeker shrieked and tried to tug himself free, panicking.

"What don't you understand about that sentence?" Megatron pulled him back.

Starscream shut his optics tightly, but his talons uncurled.

"Clever boy."

Megatron picked up the work delicately with one claw, and read the human text. "...What is this?"

Starscream had sunk to the floor in misery, wrist still held, meaning his arm was awkwardly bent mid-air. "Its purpose is to inform you of w-whether you are being abused or not."

"I see. And, let me guess, you think that this is correct is saying you are?"

"...I do."

Megatron inspected the requirements. "I think you should explain this. I don't understand the problem."

The Seeker looked up briefly before returning his gaze to the floor.

"'_What is bullying'_. Bullying? What does this mean?"

Starscream tugged feebly for his wrist to be freed. "Bullying is another term for being abused."

Megatron read aloud. "'_Criteria: Deliberately harmful.'_ I honestly cannot understand the link between you and this 'bullying.'"

Starscream groaned. "_You _bully me."

"Me?"

"Yes, you," the Seeker retorted. "You _deliberately harm_ me. You'll see the next item is '_Repeated__ over a period of time_'. We can safely say that this has been going on a while. The next is '_Difficult to defend against'_."

Megatron almost smiled, fangs glinting. "You find me difficult to defend against? That sounds like a compliment. Besides, you lik-"

"I do not!" Starscream raged shriekily, snapping his own fangs- then remembered he was shouting at Megatron, and tried to calm himself. "_'Involves an imbalance of power_' sounds familiar, too."

Megatron now looked fairly confused, and sounded it, too. "But you're my subordinate. You're supposed to do as I say."

"Which might be _fine _if you had _normal_ requests," Starscream hissed, wings flaring. "And if you didn't _beat _me for no particular reason. And if-"

Megatron continued reading. Maybe the Seeker did have a point. "'_Forms of bullying_'. The first being _'Physical; hitting, kicking, stealing, damaging, or... defacing belongings...?'_ I don't damage your belongings."

"LIAR!" Starscream screeched. "Besides, you're skipping over the parts that you frequent-! Do you see the first two actions? Hitting? Kicking?"

"Yes," Megatron elaborated.

There was a pause before Starscream tried to tug his arm free again. "Let me go!"

"No. We're going to finish what we started."

"Very well," Starscream sounded venomous.

"'_Verbal: name-calling, mocking, taunting, personal insults, threatening, spreading rumours._'"

"You need help understanding that one?"

"But you _are _incompetent." Megatron didn't sound angry, just bewildered. "And I only threaten you because you are useless to the point of disobedience, which in turn leads back to the imbalance of power." He read on. "'_Relational: deliberate exclusion from social groups_.'" Looking up in delight, he tackled the Seeker. "I don't do that. Hence, you clearly aren't abused... _or_ bullied."

"You only need one of these things to be bullied!" Starscream growled and searched for inspiration. "...I'm going to join the Autobots."

"You _what_?" Megatron snarled and twisted his wrist viciously.

Starscream yelped. "I didn't mean it-"

"More lies!"

"No! I swear it! I was just giving an example-" Starscream tried to squirm away, but his wrist was held firmly.

"Oh, that's right," Megatron flung the Seeker onto his front and stamped on him. "I forgot you can't tell the truth."

The other Decepticon wailed into the floor. "M-master, please-!"

"The orn you join the Autobots, Starscream, is the orn I resign and let _Bumblebee _take my place as Decepticon Commander."

"B-but Bumblebee is an A-Autobot-"

"Exactly, fool." The silver mech flipped the Seeker onto his back and began to crush him slowly with his pede.

Starscream whimpered and tried to push the large weight off of him.

Megatron shook his helm in derision of the futile action. "You believe I'd let you leave? We clearly need to spend more time together."

"T-that's my point, my liege... you do exclude me from social groups!"

"_No _Decepticon will turn traitor without consequence."

"But you wouldn't even let me _be _a traitor!"

"You're telling me you _want _to be a traitor?"

"No! I'm n-not! I d-don't!"

"This isn't going anywhere fast, Starscream."

The Seeker gave up on trying to move Megatron's pede, and started squirming. "This isn't fair! I was only t-trying to give you an example of how you d-don't let me do anything!"

"So because I won't let you join the Autobots, you think I'm unfair."

"No! You exclude me from my own _trine _when the mood takes you!" Starscream howled.

Megatron paused. "...And?"

"You're so controlling!"

"And one orn, you'll be a perfect subordinate, as you should be. And that's how it'll always remain." Megatron glanced down the rest of the paper, placing pressure intermittently upon Starscream's chassis. "'_Modern Technology'_. Hahaaaaa, these fleshings do give me chuckles. '_Technology_', indeed. They have no idea. 'M_alicious emails, nasty texts and/or phone calls, picture/video clips sent via mobile phone, chat room bullying- malicious messages sent via chat rooms._' I don't do these things."

Starscream whimpered and whispered something.

"Louder, cretin."

The other mech flinched, then spoke just audibly. "S-Soundwave d-does-"

"Soundwave sends you malicious emails and messages? Nasty texts and phone calls? Sends you pictures and video-clips? Bullies you?"

"Y-yes," Starscream almost mouthed.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"...Y-you're supposed to sort it out," the Seeker trembled.

"What on Cybertron gave you that idea?"

"You're supposed t-to tell an authority figure," he explained miserably.

Megatron blinked, then scanned the other side of the document. "...'_Tell someone you trust- a parent/guardian, a friend, a member of staff or a peer mentor_...' I see. I'll get Soundwave in here."

"No, no! I don't w-"

"Will you stop your wriggling! Do you _want_ this _rectified_?"

Starscream whined. "But I don't want to see him- he'll touch me with his-"

"I'll be here."

"B-but you were there before, in the rec. room...!"

"But I told him to do so."

"That's what you think," Starscream mumbled.

Megatron's processor nearly crashed. "How long has this been going on?"

"I don't want to t-talk about it," the Seeker whimpered, shaking.

The commander narrowed his optics, but left it. "We are going to deal with this, Starscream. You should have told me sooner!"

"Y-you're not the most a-approachable of mechs, my l-liege."

Megatron snorted. "You shouldn't be so useless. What should I expect, though? Seekers are all unstable. You know, it's fitting that you are the Air Commander. You know why you are? You're the most _useless _of the lot, and **that's **an achievement."

Starscream frowned unhappily. "That's-"

"You all make me feel like purging," Megatron continued, pressing down on him. "Just look at your legs. What's wrong with you? And I just want to _tear _your wings _off_!"

The Seeker's optics widened as his wings twitched rapidly in near-hysteria.

Megatron sighed heavily, and read the final Form of Bullying. "'_Discrimination. This can be racist, homophobic, sexist, or discrimination of an individual's faith/religion_.' I've never discriminated against you."

"You just _did_," Starscream reminded him.

"When?"

"You said all Seekers were unstable... a-and-"

"You're right, Starscream. You are all rather bizarre and odd looking. And when did you decide to carve into yourself?"

The second glanced at his etchings. "When you-"

"Get into your _emo-corner_," Megatron snarled, kicking him brutally.

Starscream scurried into the corner and crouched miserably.

The commander huffed angrily, and paced around, muttering Evilly.

After a long period, his helm turned slowly, and he eyed Starscream, who was curled up and nursing his battered self.

Slowly, he prowled closer, preparing to-

There shined a shiny light from outside of the window.

Starscream cowered in the corner as Megatron's helm snapped round.

From deep within the base, a doorbell rang.

"GET THE DOOR!" Megatron howled. "IF ANYONE WANTS ME, I'M BUSY!"

_/Soundwave hears you, Lord Megatron,_/ Soundwave replied. _/Down, Ravage. Savage our visitor./_

There was silence for a moment. Starscream took the opportunity to shuffle away from Megatron, who placed a pede on him to prevent any such action. "Where were we?"

Rather unexpectedly, the door burst open in a giant ball of flame and a tall Cybertronian walked in.

He looked slightly familiar, but Megatron could not place him.

"What is this interruption-!" he demanded.

"We weren't d-doing anything though, master-"

"We were about to," Megatron snarled, glaring at the individual, who quickly began to glow.

Glow.

So brightly that Megatron couldn't actually look closely at him.

"Who the frag _are _you," the Decepticon snapped. "Hurry up about it."

"I am Op- I mean, Social Services," the figure rumbled.

"Show me your _face_," Megatron sneered.

The stranger paused, stuck something onto himself, then dimmed the brightness around his helm.

Grey facemask, blue optics and helm, antennae... he did look familiar.

Megatron narrowed his optics thoughtfully.

It was the moustache stuck cheerfully at a jaunty angle onto the faceplates. The moustache was definitely throwing him off. He just didn't know anyone with a moustache.

The mech raised a red forearm and pointed. "I'm here to collect Starscream."

"You're what?"

"He has been mistreated, and it is his right to be taken away where he will be cared for."

"What right? He has no rights!"

"Freedom is the right of _all _sentient beings," the mech replied solemnly, then cursed in an undertone. "Frag! I told Ratchet I wouldn't say that! Damn- the twins have won their stupid bet!" With a small growl, he shook his helm. "No matter. Starscream, do you want to go to a better place?"

The Seeker blinked, and trembled as the glowing figure reached out to him. "...Are you Primus?"

"No- Prime, actually."

Megatron frowned. Something wasn't right here. "Wait! What are you doing?"

"I'm taking Starscream away. You really are slow, aren't you?"

"But why?"

"He's been abused, obviously."

"That is an outrageous lie! Did he tell you such things?"

"His email did. And his present state shows me this, too." The tall mech indicated the quivering bundle of Seeker on the floor.

Megatron swore rudely. "Frag you. I'll blow you-"

"No thanks. I'm too busy to be killed today. Besides, if you did that I'd have to call on a human to help me, and they're busy too. It would ruin our schedules. And you'd never get Starscream back."

"I-I would lose Starscream?"

"You would," the mech replied. "But if you prove yourself to be a worthwhile guardian, you could potentially get him back."

Megatron watched in despair as the bright mech gathered Starscream into his arms and reassured him.

The Seeker flinched away initially, but clung onto him desperately as he crossed the room. "Am I going to the Pit?"

"No, Starscream. We're taking you to a better place."

"Oh." The Air Commander blinked wearily. "That's good."

Megatron gaped. "You can't just do this!"

"Give me one reason why."

"B-because he's my Starscream-!"

"You should have thought about that," the glowing blur responded.

"But how will I-"

"We'll be in touch," the mech rumbled, then jumped out of the window.

Megatron heard him shout halfway down.

"I CAN'T FLY! JETFIRE, MOVE!"

There was a sudden thwoom as a large aircraft swooped past the base.

Megatron gaped for a moment at the disappearing blob on the horizon before Soundwave trundled in through the smouldering hole. "Lord Megatron; Starscream has gone?"

"Yes, Soundwave," the commander snarled. "Well done, genius." He frowned suddenly in thought, still facing the window. "Wait one minute- Starscream hadn't sent the email."

Soundwave began to back out of the room.

"And he couldn't have sent it, because I was with him. You were the only one with opportunity."

Soundwave ran.

"So-" Megatron whipped around to see Ravage waving his tail happily. "SOUNDWAAAAAAVE! YOU'VE LOST ME MY SEEEEEEEKERRRRRR!"

There wasn't much peace that night.

* * *

**(Plot hole: let's just say Starscream didn't think of using the internet to find the helpline. ;P)**

**Onwards, sweet reader!**


	2. To What Lengths Will Megatron Go?

**Hurray, I can't do one-shots! ****Now I discover that I can't do two-shots, either.**

**LULZ, it feels a bit weird updating a dormant story. ;D  
**

**Weeeeeee-ll, this will be a **_**fairly**_** short fic, I think- as in, not twenty chapters long. I can't specify, though! Such is the delight of the Kibble. It takes you where it takes you. Cx**

**I'm sorry you had to wait so long! I just kept putting off writing this for a while, and then I really wanted to make sure it was as perfect as I could make it, hence the ten month wait. I think it's passable, although I spent a hideous amount of time deliberating and fiddling and changing. I throw this out to you, good people, for I can no longer torture myself with its presence- because I would. I would continue editing until every sentence was ridiculously deep, like The Great Gatsby. :'D Ahhh, it would take me about twenty years to do so, but I probably would spend a retarded amount of time on it. **

**And oh gosh, I'm feeling sorry for Megatron. I shouldn't- I _know_ I shouldn't!- because he's a mean bully, but you'll probably feel a little sorry for him by the end of the chapter. I would **_**not**_** want to have those counsellors. ;D**

**Thank you to everybody for reviewing/favouriting/alerting chapter one: I hope you enjoy. (: **

**

* * *

**

Everybody was gathered in the medbay, debating whether Starscream should actually be in the brig or not. The sides were fairly uneven. Otherwise, it was fairly quiet at the Autobot base; probably because the exhausted Decepticon was recharging (although Optimus had his suspicions that Ratchet had gotten at the Seeker with processor-numbing sedatives, hence the current argument).

Ratchet was busy doing whatever Ratchet did when he was being obnoxious. This eternal list included:

Threatening instrument tapping

Threatening instrument waving

Threatening instrument violent gesturing

Threatening instrument hurling

Threatening instrument retrieval over a body

This, Ratchet believed, gave plenty of warning to anyone dense enough to even try his patience.

Admittedly, Ratchet didn't have any patience, so anybody actually daring to _try _said patience either did not know of him at all and had been living on another planet or was strongly inclined towards suicide.

Whichever reason it was, today deserved no such warnings.

"You _fool_!" he steamed, repeatedly beating Optimus with a sturdy wrench. "You absolute _fool_!"

"Ratchet," Prime began whilst trying to grasp the weapon, "in a Primely fashion, I am ordering you to retract your complaints-!"

"C- I'll give you complaints! You'll have so many complaints that you'll never stop recognising pain- you'll be in agony, torment-"

Optimus managed to seize the Hummer's wrench and allowed a noble struggle to ensue. "Put the tool down, medic!"

"NEVER!" Ratchet roared. "I will go down with a wrench or not at all!"

Ironhide snuck up from behind and tackled the luminous Autobot to the ground. "Run, Prime!"

"It isn't in my programming," Optimus replied sorrowfully, then turned to an unhappy, sat-on CMO. "You know he's abused."

"I'm going to abuse _you_," Ratchet muttered dangerously. "Anyway, it isn't the point. He's also a psychopath!"

"Inside, we're _all_ psychopaths," the Commander replied. "Don't you see that-"

"You're clearly full of your Primely mumbojumbo today," Ratchet diagnosed threateningly. "_And_ you definitely have something wrong with you. Just you _wait_ until I get a hold of your processor."

From his Ratchet-seat, Ironhide sniggered. "You seem busy at the moment. Perhaps an appointment could be booked with your secretary."

"I'll get your cannons."

Jazz laughed. "Tough, 'hide!"

"Your alternate form."

Prowl hid a rare snigger with a cough.

"Your logic capacitors."

"Ratchet, _enough_ threats-!" Optimus had a steely edge behind his plea. "He is staying."

"He'll run back to Megatron- wait, no he won't. He'll skip like t-"

"At least we'll have tried."

"He _made_ his berth," Ratchet argued. "He lies in it. We are disturbing the natural order of things."

"True, but he needs a chance."

"_Fine_. Get off me, weight."

Ironhide accidentally kicked Ratchet as he stood.

Without a word, the CMO rose to his pedes and stormed over to the Seeker, slapping him. "UP!"

Starscream shot across the room in a matter of astro-seconds. "I'm sorry!"

"You should be," Ratchet hissed. "If _only_ the Autobots had reaction times that fast."

Starscream blinked, recognising the CMO. "Slag you, Autobot!"

"You are _very_, very lucky," Ratchet snarled. "Be glad of this opportunity."

"Op-?" Starscream glanced around suspiciously. "Why am I here? I'll tell you nothing! ...Is this a dream? It must be."

"Amneeeeeesiaaa?" Ratchet asked creepily. "You-"

Optimus hurriedly stepped forwards, hands raised in a display of peace. "We removed you from the Decepticon Lair due to-" he paused, searching for an appropriately unthreatening and polite phrase. "-fears for your welfare."

"Welfare?" Prowl hit himself. "Chevron-_one_, encoded."

Even Starscream looked blank. "I am a Decepticon."

"He's rememberin'!" Jazz cried excitedly.

"There is no reason _at all_ why you should be concerned for my _welfare_."

"Agreed."

"Even _he_ knows it," Ratchet scowled.

"Welfare may have been the wrong terminology," Optimus conceded.

"I can take care of things myself!"

Jazz laughed.

The Seeker's gaze snapped towards him. "Come on, short stuff."

Prowl suddenly had an idea, giving a swift nod to Ironhide. "Knock him out."

By the time Optimus was in mid-frown, the black Autobot had enthusiastically complied.

"Can I blast him now?" Ironhide demanded eagerly, staring at the crumpled Decepticon.

"No. When he reawakens, he'll have forgotten these events or consider them a vivacious dream."

"Theory," Ratchet disagreed. "It may not happen."

"Not if we cunningly disguise ourselves," Prowl cunningly revealed, glancing over to a delightedly cunning Jazz. "Your supplies?"

Jazz squealed and disappeared (cunningly).

The Autobots were probably fairly confused like you, dear reader; what supplies? And are they _cunning_ supplies?

It took the saboteur two minutes to return to the medbay somehow riding a trunk at least his own height and triple his width. He then dived into the chest with a cry of delight. "Well?"

"We'll cover our most unique features," Prowl explained.

Ironhide snorted. "Like what?"

Jazz rootled for a moment, lost in the assorted cache before suddenly springing out at the black warrior.

By the time anybody could register anything, the saboteur was back in his treasure chest and a feather boa was wrapped around each of Ironhide's cannons.

"No!" Ironhide roared, "not _pink_! I draw the line!"

"He drew the line!" Sunstreaker cried.

"True mechs can withstand an' showcase pink," Jazz claimed in a somewhat muffled manner, digging away for goodies.

"Then there are no true mechs here," Ironhide snapped, tugging futilely at the offending objects.

The silver Autobot sighed. "Pink, hot pink, _luminous_ pink-" A sneaky wink at Ratchet as his helm popped up from underneath the treasure, "-peach or blue."

"Blue!" Ironhide demanded, snatching the huge furry item and blowing it in half without hesitation before throwing the remnant pieces haphazardly over his cannons.

"Boys!" Jazz cried, horrorstruck, this time unable to spring out quickly enough from under the mounds of goodies. "Help th'fool!"

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe instantly dived to Ironhide and began adjusting and tweaking the cannon accessories_ properly_.

Jazz, now out of the trunk, was beaming whilst adjusting his own black-rimmed glasses and offering an assortment to Optimus, who mused for moment before selecting a neckerchief. The saboteur nodded approvingly as Prime tied it jauntily around his neck armour.

There was a slight pause as Jazz considered a growling Ratchet. "Tutu, Ratch?" he asked with supreme self-control.

The medic violently kicked him. "Oops."

"Need t'work on y'heavily-handed technique," Jazz wailed, hopping in agony. "Y'need more practice!"

"Ratchet, what are you feeling?" Sideswipe pushed, delving through the trunk.

"Angry."

"Got it!" Sunstreaker howled, tackling the CMO to the floor and slapping something onto his helm.

Sideswipe considered before relocating it. "...On the chin, Sunny."

His brother barged him out of the way and adjusted it with a tiny flick. "No artistic interpretation whatsoever."

The CMO shoved them both away with a low growl.

"Perfecto!" Jazz concluded, eyeing him with a huge smile.

This couldn't be good.

Ratchet reached up to his face, quite ready to rip whatever monstrosity attached to him away-

Optimus interrupted him with a sigh. "Please, Ratch?"

The CMO eyed the hopeful and cleverly disguised Autobots around him. "I don't see the point."

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe sniggered- clearly they had every noble intention.

"Where are _their_ disguises?" Ratchet demanded.

"Can't you see?" Sunstreaker demanded right back.

Immediately they posed, leaning against each other smoothly.

The brothers had chosen complimentary facial hair- the golden twin sporting a trim moustache and Sideswipe a goatee. The silver Corvette was stroking this thoughtfully whilst Sunstreaker delicately brushed at the tache.

"Prowlie needs a disguise!"

They enthusiastically requested something of Jazz, who grinned and rooted eagerly through his trunk before handing them a small object.

Prowl eyed the twins mistrustfully as they approached him with shining optics.

"Prowlie, please?"

"Prowlie, you'll look almost as pretty as me!"

"Well, how can I refuse?" the tactician conceded dryly.

The Corvettes fussed for a good while around his neck. Finally, they took a step back.

"Well?" Prowl enquired. "May I resume my life?"

"We are your life, Prowlie!" Sunstreaker informed brightly. "I'm _everybody's _life."

There was a short silence as the brothers evaluated their work and stroked their facial hair, then-

"Sure thing, Prowlie!"

"You look _super_, Prowlie!"

Jazz glanced over whilst adjusting Prime's neckerchief. "Swell bowtie, Prowler."

"Very smart," Optimus agreed whilst bending at an awkward angle for the small saboteur.

Prowl would have blushed, were he capable.

Plucking at his own tache musingly, Sunstreaker reached out and tweaked the bowtie to a miniscule degree. "Perfect, Prowlie. Don't touch it, now."

"_Thank_ you, Sunstreaker." Prowl held up a hand, and the Corvette grudgingly stepped away. "I propose that we decide rules. A Decepticon among us is something we should plan out most carefully."

The Autobots thought for an astro-second.

Optimus had no hesitations. "Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, you will _not_ approach Starscream without supervision."

"GAH!" Sideswipe roared, falling to his knees.

Sunstreaker sniffed loudly. His tache fluttered slightly, in danger of being sucked into his nasal capacitors. "How could you."

"I still can't process this," Ratchet growled.

"I like to believe it." Ironhide's cannons span dangerously. "If there is any devious behaviour, it will not be tolerated."

"From who? Starscream or the twins?" Prowl wondered dryly.

The black mech had a small, immature giggle.

"On with the plan," Prime announced hurriedly. "Here it is."

* * *

_Five orns later. C:_

Megatron growled moodily as the two hopeless Social Services assistants fussed around with cables and whatnot. They had said that he would see Starscream, _not_ that they would be fiddling with wires. "Why does this take so long?"

Prowl glared.

"You are clearly rubbish at your job," the Decepticon continued. "I am willing to bet Soundwave could do this in a fifth of the time."

"_Demeaning_," Sideswipe hissed, thrusting a spare wire into subspace.

"What in the Pit is this?" Megatron demanded as the Autobots stepped away, satisfied.

_This_ was an opaque wall.

"Starscream is on the other side of this wall,_" _Prowl explained, gesturing magnificently.

"_Well, _stand back as I blast a hole in it or something. I want to see him."

"VIOLENCE!" Sideswipe roared.

"Not literally." Prowl continued. "You can't see him properly, so to speak."

"Eh?"

"You will be communicating via uplink. There will be _no _chance of inappropriate contact," a _suddenly-there_ Sunstreaker sniffed, appearing on the wall as the live feed began.

"_None at all_!" Sideswipe muttered primly as Megatron threw himself angrily into view of the camera.

Sunstreaker stepped away with a huff-

And there was Starscream, looking rather bewildered and hurt.

"You are _just _as I remembered you," the commander suddenly inappropriately announced, unable to look away.

"M-master?" Starscream asked, blinking, clearly startled by the sudden appearance.

"I _would_ have been in contact sooner," Megatron growled meaningfully, eyeing Prowl.

Starscream's optics were acute to every miniscule change or shift the larger mech consciously or unconsciously made, his wings reflecting his own minute responses.

They watched each other for a minute or so.

Starscream's wings were very low. Sideswipe held up a sign to the side of the feed, indicating frantically that Megatron should say the words on it aloud.

"You can be- so much more than what you think I think you are," Megatron declared, slightly confused.

Starscream blinked, suddenly aware of Sunstreaker pointing enthusiastically at some sign in his hand. He concentrated slightly and read monotonically. "Sometimes I feel so unappreciated."

Megatron looked to Sideswipe for help- already the silver Autobot had a reply. "...Then you should- talk to me about these issues-?"

Starscream peered at Sunstreaker's sign. "I feel- intimidated and demeaned by your- callous insults."

Megatron decided to ignore whatever note Sideswipe had prepared; this wasn't something anyone else could do for him. He prepared himself for a charismatic and inspiring utterance. "I see that you're not dead," he noted awkwardly. "That's- good."

He glanced up- Sideswipe were nodding, enthused.

"I wouldn't have thought you'd care," Starscream was saying bitterly.

"I don't." The easy words flowed out, a natural balance seemingly restored.

"You'd much rather be communicating via physical means," Starscream snapped.

"It is far more direct, at least."

"Does it have to be so _painful_?" the Seeker screeched.

"You _make_ it painful because you're so incompetent."

"Oh, so this is _my_ fault!"

"Clearly it is."

"I'm _always_ the one to take the blame," Starscream snarled. "You never admit your own failings- no, it must be _Starscream's _fault."

"_Why_ are we in this situation?" Megatron suddenly demanded. "_You_ used to be so full of vigour and promise- there wasn't an Autobot _or_ a Decepticon who would have wanted to face you in battle-! And yet here we are- and they now _ridicule_ you for being a coward."

"So why are you even _here_?" Starscream hissed miserably, wings drooping yet still flaring.

"Because sometimes I see a flicker of the mech who I was proud to see at my side. Because you're useless, but I miss you. Because there's a large triangular shape missing in my life. Because you and I- we never needed words to know what the other thought. _Please_, Starscream. Come back. We can strike terror into every single_ being_ below us-!"

Sunstreaker wiped away a tear and decided to confer with the silver Corvette via sparkbond. _In their own absurd, violent way, it's almost sweet_.

_I know, bro._ Sideswipe, equally moved, couldn't prevent his shoulders from shaking with quiet sobs.

Starscream wasn't convinced. "I don't even see why you're here."

Megatron growled. "I just _told_ you."

"_No_, you did not-! You just insulted me further. You don't need me at all-" The Seeker paused suddenly, gaze falling to the ground momentarily before it was raised again, and a slow, sad smile flitting across his features. "You never _did_, Lord High Protector."

It was softly spoken; no irony or venomous bitterness.

"Times have changed; you don't want a failure of a mech at your side. If I have held you back, then you have my truest regrets." Starscream stood with a slight frown, then flicked his wings in salute. "My liege."

Megatron watched aghast as his second in command just-

Left.

* * *

Five minutes later, Optimus had an odd sensation within his very Spark.

He puzzled over it for a while before concluding that whatever it was certainly was growing in intensity and frequency.

The voice of his brother suddenly burst through his startled processor.

_Optimus! You __**sod**__, I know you can feel me!_

_Gahhh_, Prime snapped, bristling at the sudden contact over their unused sparkbond. His brother instantly felt closer to him than he had in a millennia. _No need for the deafening violence!_

_You're so __**lame**_, Megatron grizzled.

_You're using our sparkbond just for the purpose of insulting me_. _You really have nothing else to do?_

There was silence for such a long period that Optimus assumed Megatron had actually realised that he was in fact the commander of an army, and that he indeed gone to find something else to do.

Then a quiet, subdued and very unlike Megatron whine crossed the bond. _I don't know what to do._

_The Right Thing is always the right thing to do,_ Optimus explained, somewhat curious and affected.

The Decepticon sounded petulant; Prime imagined him pouting childishly. _But I don't know __**how**__ to do it. This is __**your**__ area, not mine._

_Your problem?_

_Some idiots took something from me- and I fear it is lost. _Megatron managed to piece a confused utterance together.

_How can I help you unless you tell me what it is?_

There was a tense pause. _Starscream._

_Hah, surprise. _Optimus couldn't help a snigger.

Megatron blasted him with pure rage.

Prime cringed, then snarled as the sensation exploded through him. _Aft!_

_Is that your __**worst **__insult?_

_How about __**silence**_? Optimus snapped.

_Fine, you triumph_. _This time, _Megatron muttered darkly.

The Autobot inspected a flamed forearm interestedly. Oooh, he had a speck of dirt upon it. He picked at the demonic fleck intently. _What is the point of this? Some of us have things to be doing._

_I..._

Optimus could feel the hesitation and decided to wait patiently, absent-mindedly brushing at a slightly chipped flame. He really did need to divert some of his energies into repairing and maintaining his colours again. Perhaps Ratchet would allow it, _at last_, seeing as they wouldn't be battling the Decepticons for a while.

Patience was possibly one of Prime's strongest virtues.

He would wait.

_I need your help, _a quietened Megatron finally managed to admit.

_Hm._

_Look, this isn't about the war or anything. Just a- a personal favour to call in. I would say please, were I not __**Megatron**__._

Optimus nearly snorted with amusement. _Since when do I owe you anything? If I remember rightly, you owe __**me**__._

_Did I or did I __**not**__ practically raise you?_

Prime was caught with that pre-planned, smug response, and the Decepticon knew it.

_Help me get Starscream back, _Megatron appealed, all arrogance lost in the plea.

_But you hate him_, Optimus pointed out, shrugging to nobody. _You're always punching him._

_Exactly. _(Prime imagined his brother wagging a claw.) _Hateful as it is to admit it, life is lonely without him._

_Go and punch Soundwave._

_I don't __**want**__ to punch Soundwave._

_Go and kick Ravage, _Optimus offered, casting aside his aversion to violence. Well, if they were insane enough to follow Megatron and believe in the Decepticon cause, they needed a good kicking._  
_

_It isn't any fun, _the Decepticon sulked, sounding like a brattish sparkling quickly approaching a tantrum.

Prime hurriedly averted the danger. _I have a fine idea. I'll arrange a meeting between some- some counsellors and yourself. They can help you._

_If this is a set-up, you're going __**down**__._

Optimus didn't honour the suspicion with a direct reply, instead sending Megatron co-ordinates to the Autobot base. _I will send someone to meet you at __**this **__location. Be there._

_

* * *

Doodo**doo**doodoooooooo...  
_

Prowl adjusted his bowtie as he strode towards Megatron. "Yo, dude."

"What is that foul expression?" the Decepticon demanded instantly.

"We here like to expand our lingo," the tactician explained, now standing no less than four foot away from the massive Transformer (_and_ trying not to feel like a rodent. _And_ also trying to avoid processing the thousand ways the Decepticon could effortlessly annihilate him). "We are descriptive in our attitudes towards English. Who is to say that any dialect is superior to another?"

Megatron eyed him disgustedly. "I do- and I am _**Megatron**_. You should speak _**Megatron's**__ English_."

"That would be the Queen's English," Prowl corrected.

"Why not American Standard English?" Megatron snapped.

"Why use American Standard English when you could use Standard English?"

"They're the same!"

"They _aren't_, and you know it."

"Hm," Megatron offered, as if Prowl has passed a test of some sort. "I approve of you, black and white counsellor. I shall call you Prowl, for you look almost like that hateful Autobot tactician my brother admires except for that bowtie."

"Then come, good fellow- onwards," Prowl announced, wheeling around and marching off. "We have much to do. I see already that your attitude is domineering and aggressive."

"...This is the Autobot base," Megatron suddenly realised, stopping and eyeing the building before them. "What are we doing here?"

"We wanted to meet on neutral territory," Prowl explained. "To avoid intimidation or aggressive behaviour."

"_Neutral_?" Megatron snarled.

No matter; he would have to comply if he wanted any chance of Starscream returning. Damn the mech, why wasn't anything ever simple? Why couldn't Megatron just drag the Seeker back as per usual?

He continued ranting internally, barely noticing that they had in fact arrived in a small compact room and that Prowl was gesturing to a chair.

Megatron glanced at the two other occupants of the room. One had a goatee, but otherwise looked exactly like that Autobot, Sideswap or something.

"Hey, Sideswipe," a second mech at the desk called. "Goatee, twitch it to the left. It's staring at me a little."

Sideswipe, yes- that rang a bell. He would name this mech Sideswipe for the moment.

The moustachioed second mech was golden with a faint air of arrogance; for simplicity's sake, this would be Sunstreaker- Megatron knew _that_ name, all right.

"So," Prowl began. "Please state your name for the record."

Seating himself, the Decepticon coughed in preparation and gestured at the recorder. "What, into this?"

"Just speak; the words will be picked up."

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure. Now, your name."

"Lord Megatron," Megatron declared. "_Megatron_."

"One," Sunstreaker muttered, drawing a short dash on the side of the pad.

"_Two,_" Sideswipe corrected.

"Lord?" Prowl questioned.

"Yeass."

"We're going to start off talking about you," Prowl explained. "So tell me why you have such a title."

"Because I just do."

"_Because... I... just...__**do**__,_" Sunstreaker muttered aloud, furiously scribbling.

"I see. Is this something you would expect Starscream to call you?"

"Of course," Megatron shrugged. "It's my name."

"_Of course,_" Sunstreaker muttered, focussed on his datapad.

Sideswipe was nodding confidently in the background.

"Do you like it when mechs refer to you as 'Lord' or 'Master'?"

"Damn straight I do." Megatron rethought and hastily backtracked. "But this is because I prefer to think of it as keeping the ranks solidified. Consistency is key: if the mechs were free to call me _Megsy_, there would be many issues with command. The top rank needs to be respected."

"Do you have some sort of problem with control and power?" Prowl asked.

"Noooo."

(_Scribble, scribble_.)

"Have you asked Starscream to call you by your title before?"

"He doesn't need to be asked," Megatron frowned. "He just does it."

"_Has possibly been forced into continually affirming subject's dominance,_" Sideswipe muttered. "_Self-esteem issues will likely be found._"

Sunstreaker nodded knowingly, scrawling manically.

"On occasions that he has forgotten or rudely neglected to, do you feel angry?"

"I never feel angry!" Megatron shouted angrily. "I don't know the meaning of the word!"

Prowl persisted. "How do you feel when he doesn't refer to you respectfully?"

"I give him a... firm clip around the helm?"

"_Could easily lead into further violence,_" the silver Corvette added quietly.

"_Firm clip,_" Sunstreaker noted, clearly scrawling another word beginning with _'vio-_'. "_Firm_."

"Look," Megatron demanded, tearing his optics away from the datapad, "can't I just see him?"

"Certainly not," Prowl frowned. "We have barely begun asking questions."

"_Subject has tried to coerce staff into letting him see victim,_" Sideswipe whispered. "_Subject seems unconcerned about situation and abuse of victim._"

"Has Starscream ever let you down?" Prowl asked.

"When _hasn't_ he let me down? He's always running away or doing something incompetently."

"We have a recording of you."

"Good?" Megatron offered cautiously.

"You are brutally tearing down Starscream's accomplishments and his efforts which were for _you_."

"He probably deserved it," Megatron scoffed, completely reassured.

"_You fail me __**yet again**__, Starscream!_"

Sunstreaker gasped in horror, and his brother winced in visible agony.

"'Yet _again'_," the golden Corvette whispered, lips pressed tightly together.

"So harsh, so _harsh_."

"Let us dissect this simple utterance," Prowl suggested.

"Must we?"

Prowl began simply. "'Fail'."

"_Fail_." Sideswipe shuddered.

"Faaaaail," Sunstreaker shook his helm.

"We don't like this word," Prowl explained. "_Fail_ reduces you. _Fail_ makes you worthless. _Fail_ means that you've achieved nothing, that everything has been a waste."

"I _know_ what the word means," Megatron sighed heavily. "That's why I _used _it."

"He _knew_!" Sunstreaker gasped. "He _knew_!"

"_Subject_ _knew the definition and __**still**__ used the f-word,_" Sideswipe hurriedly dictated.

"In this scenario," Prowl continued, "Starscream had just released you from imprisonment. Correct?"

"Depends," Megatron truthfully replied. "I've said it a couple of times."

"This was in 2007," Sunstreaker managed to choke out.

"That'd be the one."

"_So offhand,_" Sideswipe nearly wept.

"So here, you should have been _**praising**_ him," Prowl explained. "You should have been acknowledging what a good job he had done. Instead, you shredded his feeling of self-worth and all of his hope."

"But I wouldn't have had to do that if he had actually been competent," Megatron justified. "He released me, whoopee. I might have been a little chuffed about that, but then the idiot let the Allspark be driven away right past him and just stood there waiting for me to appear. What a-"

"Because of his utter devotion to you," Sunstreaker sobbed, tears now streaming down his cheekplates. "His loyalty, his-"

"_Subject fails to see victim's dedication and steadfast faithfulness,_" Sideswipe gasped between gulps of air.

"Is something wrong with those two?" Megatron asked, bewildered.

"Ignore them," Prowl ordered. "Optics on me. Now, here we come to an important part: _ '...yet again'._"

"Are we _still_ talking about this-? Fine, what about it?"

"You've compared him with his past self, which you consider to be-?"

"Pretty useless. He hasn't changed much."

"You aren't giving Starscream a chance to flourish."

"_Flourish_? He isn't a weak plant-"

"With this one utterance-!" Prowl cried, "You have blocked him into a cage of fear and failure and a sense of doom that he will never be able to impress you! You have oppressed him!"

Megatron wearily rubbed his face, careful not to impale his optics on a stray claw.

"And those," Sunstreaker demanded, pointing with furious energy. "Those!"

"Sorry," Megatron replied, "He told me to ignore you, so I can't answer-"

Sideswipe sucked in a raging ventilation. "_Subject rudely and arrogantly casts aside a staff member!_"

"You make it sound like I do it literally!" The Decepticon felt insulted.

Prowl coughed politely. "Your claws, Megatron."

Megatron waited for some sort of question.

"...They just aren't practical."

"What do you mean? They're perfectly practical."

"For ripping mechs apart and grabbing and crushing things." The tactician shook his helm firmly. "We don't like these things."

"I'm trying to win a war here," Megatron snapped. "It doesn't really matter-" He tried to calm himself.

Prowl watched approvingly. "Some nice deep ventilations."

"_Subject nearly attacked staff,_" Sideswipe whispered loudly. "_Staff really felt fear. Is this how the victim feels?_"

"Do you mind not calling him a victim?" Megatron demanded. "He isn't a victim. Victim _mentality_," he added witheringly. "I thought you could only be a victim if you believed yourself to be one. Thus, you are reducing Starscream's confidence even more."

"You are not helping yourself," Sunstreaker knowledgably tutted.

"I see that your alternate form is either a tank," Prowl pressed, "or a fighter jet."

"Oh, Primus."

"_Blasphemy,_" Sideswipe whispered. "_Unsuitable vocabulary for household talk_."

"Do you expect me to have a different alternate?" Megatron demanded. "One that picks daisies and allows us to make daisy chains as we sit side-by-side in a field full of long grass- undoubtedly whilst we hold talons and claws and that idiot instrumental _Born Free _plays in the background?"

The Corvettes swooned in unison.

"There _is_ a tender side to you," Prowl smiled with an enthused fist-bump to Megatron's chassis. "We'll provide it with the best care so it can grow and blossom."

Megatron's optics followed the retracting fist disbelievingly. "I was being..." He trailed off wearily. "Look, can I see him now?"

"That's up to _him,_" Prowl informed. "Entirely. But we're still here."

"That we are," Sunstreaker gasped. "And I feel headway."

Sideswipe sobbed, and they held each other. "_Staff are moved by such unexpected beauty and passion!_"

Prowl was focussing on the Decepticon, fingers interlaced.

They watched each other for a moment before Prowl spoke again. "Why do you think the victim has tolerated your abuse for so long?"

"The _victim_ being who?" Megatron asked meaningfully. "I feel that _**I**_ could be victim of incompetence and stupidity- yet I do not have this mindset. One is only a victim if they believe they are, but I am _Megatron_!"

"Three," Sunstreaker muttered, adding another dash to his tally.

Megatron was silent for a moment before finally breaking the growing quiet. "Starscream is utterly devoted to the Decepticon cause. Problems occur when he either still doesn't realise- or occasionally decides to forget- that _I am_ the Decepticon cause."

"This is a fine point to raise," Prowl immediately responded, quick as Sam stumbling over his own utterances. "the Decepticons. Please expand upon this."

"A minor detail," Megatron dismissed.

"Suspect dismisses genocidal cult as minor detail," Sideswipe quietly translated.

"Steady." Megatron held up a claw. "We aren't a genocidal cult. We just enjoy killing things, which is a wholly different matter."

"_Enjoys brutality, murder-_"

"At least I'm honest about it," the Decepticon said meaningfully. "Unlike some Autobots."

"Ex-excuse me?" Sideswipe stammered, somewhat startled.

Sunstreaker watched with slightly narrowed optics.

"It is true enough," Megatron dismissed. "That is all."

"Expand," Prowl pressed. "Do."

"It all depends on your perspective," the commander replied simply. "It is obvious enough that I will not elaborate further."

The tactician scrutinised him for a short period. "We shall progress to your-" He paused with a slight grimace to convey his distaste- "your acquaintances and _housemates._"

"My what?"

"I shall speak frankly," Prowl declared.

Megatron waited for him to continue, but the black and white mech gestured slightly with a hand.

"We don't like them," Sunstreaker announced.

Sideswipe agreed. "They're just weird."

"Let's start going through them," Prowl suggested. "The Fallen."

Megatron sighed heavily.

"He isn't a good role model. See how skinny he is, for one thing."

"_So_ skinny." Sunstreaker shook his helm angrily.

"_Makes the victim's self-esteem drop_," Sideswipe announced. "_Victim sees that the subject is eager to spend time with anorexic freaks and feels shunned, pressured._"

"And his _voice_," Prowl began, then waved a digit.

"So retarded! I would rather die than have to sit through a two-word utterance by it," Sunstreaker swore.

"_Acquaintance is highly threatening, voice is creepy. It molests your very spark,_" Sideswipe summarised.

Prowl opened a folder and cast some photographs onto the desk. "Another favoured housemate. Identify him, please."

Megatron peered at them. "Soundwave? What's wrong with him?"

"Tentacles."

"...Tentacles? I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Tentacles invade your space," Sunstreaker explained, throwing up his hands as he enacted how he envisioned telling a tentacle to leave him alone. "Tentacles just don't know what _hey, back off_ means. Tentacles slither past and stroke you."

"_And it's always by accident,_" Sideswipe continued darkly. "_Always_."

Megatron slowly began to remember something. "...He said Soundwave bullied him."

"Hm?" Prowl asked.

"Starscream said that Soundwave-"

"This can't be true!" Sunstreaker gasped.

"Do you mind? That was my Revelation!" Megatron snapped.

"Just _how _did you get involved in such a mess?" Sideswipe asked tearfully. "How did you lose Starscream to these- these hideous allies of yours?"

"A bad crowd when you were younger?" Sunstreaker suggested. "It's alright to speak to us. Let it all out."

"Let it free_,_" the silver Corvette urged.

Prowl cracked his finger joints, and stared somewhat intently. "Yes, Megatron. Let it _free_."

* * *

**I want to see gorgeous Prowl wearing a bow tie. Mmm.**

**Ah, the things Megsy would do for Starscream: he'd suffer the twins, everybody. That's got to be dedication.  
**

**Ten months later, there goes chapter two! xO ****Please tell me what you thought, for I am very open to ideas; this may go in several directions yet!**

**Ohhh, but my beloved Ratchet makes more of an appearance next chapter. Huzzah!**

**As ever, your loyal Kibble. C:**


	3. There Are Simply Too Many Feelings!

**Ahh I am so behind with this updating lark. This chapter took far longer than I had expected (possibly because DotM has absolutely ruined my mind and broken my heart and all I can think of about the ending is WHY.)**

**Still, here's the new beastly-long chapter, which I suddenly realise has a little more Optimus/Megatron interaction than expected- which is more than I can say for DotM. They had what, _one line each_, was it _one line_ to each other? Disgusting, and I thought Transformers was actually about those two opposing each other, derp that I am!**  
**Anyway, aforementioned interaction and seemingly random scenes _do _tend to have purposes; they will link up with future events. Most things in this fic have a purpose, I tell you! ;)**

**Surprisingly there's even a little bit of Megatron/Starscream interaction in this, which is again something DotM sincerely failed out. HAHA no it's true. Did Megatron and Starscream have about two minutes of screentime together, most of it advancing the plot? Shame on you, shame on you.**

**I've got to stop complaining; DotM is great, yeass, go and see it, yeass. Just don't psyche yourself up for truckloads of character interaction.**

**PS. Formatting hates me. D: Formatting will be savaged once I return from my weekend away.  
**

**Hope this doesn't disappoint after the wait! **

* * *

Sideswipe blinked wearily and raised his helm from the table. Had it finished-? No: Prowl and Sunstreaker were still engaging in a disturbingly intense staring contest with Megatron.

(How he was taking them both on at once was something Sideswipe did not want to ruin his processor by thinking about.)

Prompts to get him to discuss his fellow Decepticons had all fallen horribly flat, and on the last brave attempt by Prowl an irritated Megatron had stopped blinking. In fact, he had stopped moving at all.

The silver Corvette would be quite convinced that he had died were his optics not hatefully bright.

Sideswipe dropped his helm again and considered whether Arcee was going to win their bet (she had claimed Megatron was going to deliberately shut off from them at _some_ point- stupid femme, as if she knew what a mech was thinking). Did this count? He'd never live it down. So the Autobot hadn't thought this would be _easy_ per se, but it shouldn't be this hard just to get the mech to talk.

_Ratchet_ he pleaded desperately via internal digital messaging, _please help_

__I'm rather enjoying watching you all suffer__ the medic responded after a heinously extended delay.

_I'll make it worth your while?_

__I don't believe you.__

There was only one way to achieve his assistance: though a severe blow to his pride, Sideswipe couldn't take the current situation any longer. _I _beg_ for your aid._

There was no reply bar a long cackle erupting through his comm. link and then a deathly extended silence. The Corvette sincerely hoped he hadn't reduced himself to pleading for Ratchet only to ignore him and/or record the moment for posterity.

With a quiet groan, Sideswipe returned his full attentions to the mechs before him. Megatron hadn't moved; Prowl was interlacing his fingers; Sunstreaker was narrowing his optics to such narrow slits that Sideswipe was convinced his twin couldn't actually see. Nevertheless, it looked fairly threatening. Now an important decision awaited him: should he join in the staring deathmatch or try and recharge?

Megatron wasn't... _feeling_ currently. He was vaguely aware that the other mechs were looking at him for some unfathomable reason. He himself was simply tired of them. They meant nothing; why would he converse with them?

Truthfully, Megatron couldn't have cared any less about them, much less the ridiculously shiny golden one who had completely screwed up his optics. He looked retarded; how could he see? Pointless. Clearly he hadn't engaged in many staring contests with true combatants before.

Starscream was good at staring contests.

He always cheated.

The Decepticon Commander never tired of the inventive methods utilised by the wayward mech (of course whilst still maintaining visual contact); occasionally Starscream would even launch a physical attack or some missiles at Megatron if he was infuriated enough.

Naturally he'd still be beaten for the offence, but Megatron appreciated the skill displayed and the direct challenge it offered- naturally, he too had to keep his optics locked on the other's.

Drones, that was it. Drones.

These mechs were _drones_ in comparison.

Megatron diverted a small section of his processor's power to continue staring at them and continued to wallow in thought.

* * *

Ratchet actually had no intention of going anywhere. He was with Optimus, watching the scene through Prowl's visual-audio datafeed.

'Primus,' the commander eventually said after twenty minutes, 'has the feed frozen?'

The medic pinged Prowl and received a speedy response. 'No. They really are just sitting and staring.'

Prime gestured with a flap of his long arms. 'Ratchet, get in there.'

'Why?'

'Because this is the very opposite of progress. It is like watching evolution, Ratchet. It isn't _happening_ _any time soon_.'

'Impatient youngling.'

'I'm not impatient!' Optimus refuted, continuing to wave his arms. 'This is just absolutely boring and pointless.'

Ratchet's gaze suddenly snapped onto his right limb. 'Wave that again.'

Suddenly self-conscious, arms dropped to the owner's sides. 'No.'

'Don't be daft, do it.'

Prime wiggled his arms briefly without really raising them at all.

'**_Optimus_**.'

'I'll do it if you actually get them talking again.'

The medic treated him to a dirty and powerful glower. 'How about I come over there and raise it myself?'

'Because had it been that simple you would already be lifting it. You want _me_ to do it specifically, _ergo_, you will enter that room.'  
Ratchet suddenly missed the orns when Optimus Prime had no idea how to negotiate and/or manipulate.

* * *

And so it was Ratchet strode into the chamber of stares, angular side-burns firmly stuck onto his cheekplates.

Sideswipe snapped out of his recharge with a cry of delight; the CMO truly wasn't as cruel as he seemed. There was a spark made of _gold_ underneath that crusty, poisonous and lethal exterior.

Prowl finally broke his gaze away from Megatron, fixing it at the medic instead. 'Have we news?'

'Yes.'

The assembled mechs waited patiently for the monosyballic response to be expanded.

'Well?' Sunstreaker eventually demanded. 'What's the news?'

'Oh, _apologies_ that you didn't ask.'

Prowl inwardly winced at Ratchet's barely-concealed seething (apparently the medic still didn't approve of The Plan). 'Your evaluation?'

The CMO slapped a folder onto the desk before slamming a hand down onto it aggressively. 'Starscream is a very angry young mech,' he declared in a poor imitation of a subtle whisper.

Megatron's helm snapped in their direction.

'How came you to this conclusion?' Prowl questioned musingly.

Ratchet paused. '...His anger.'

'He displayed it?' Sunstreaker gasped.

'Better than to keep it welling inside of him,' Sideswipe muttered. 'Like a venomous seedling-'

'Will you stop talking about him?' Megatron demanded furiously, claws clenching.

'Check the hand!' Sunstreaker roared instantly. 'Hand! Hand! Hand!'

The Decepticon slowly returned his optics to said appendage, and spasmodically returned the claws to a more relaxed state. As relaxed as claws can be, any road.

'_Subject controls anger after brief eruption,_' Sideswipe announced.

'You're driving me _insane_,' Megatron informed through gritted fangs.

Ratchet took the time to give him a glance. 'This is the miscreant.'

'Certainly.'

Sideswipe nodded. 'That would be he.'

'He, the miscreant,' Sunstreaker clarified.

'The miscreant is this he,' Sideswipe further elaborated. 'This he that is here.'

'This he that is here is the miscreant,' Sunstreaker agreed.

'Here is the he that is the miscreant.'

Megatron's optics shuttered slowly.

'You seem on edge,' Prowl accused. 'Are you feeling nervous? Are you feeling depressed? Do you have withdrawal symptoms?'

'_Withdrawal symptoms_?' Megatron repeated incredulously.

'Withdrawal symptoms,' Sunstreaker clarified. 'Of the 'missing Starscream' type.'

The commander snarled violently at the following implications. 'I do not _miss_ Starscream.'

'Of course,' Sunstreaker agreed. 'That's why you're here.'

_'Denial_,_' _Sideswipe whispered. '_He has it. Has it baaaadly._'

'My property was stolen from me,' Megatron said, 'and I will have it back. That is all; no more.'

Prowl sighed sadly. 'I thought we had ascertained that Starscream was a mech, not an object.'

'We had certainly not.'

'No, Prowlie, it's true,' Sideswipe said. 'I really don't think we have.'

'Decepticon _sympathiser_,' Sunstreaker hissed. 'Support the 'con, why don't you?'

'_Boys_, ' Prowl growled, 'not the time.' He returned his attentions to Megatron once he'd had some grumbling, disbelieving apologies. 'Starscream is a mech, not an object.'

'It is quite true that he is a mech,' the commander said, 'but he is also a very good punchbag. This is an object, is it not?'

'Note that he is a mech before being a punchbag,' Prowl returned after a moment, 'and that mechs can be many things. This still does not make them objects.' Megatron didn't even look like he was listening, so the second glumly faceplanted into the desk.

'A mech cannot be a possession,' Ratchet said, taking up the dropped gauntlet. He pushed Sunstreaker out of his chair and inspected it before seating himself.

'He certainly can.'

'He _cannot_, Megatron.'

Optimus propelled himself into the room, complete with neckerchief. 'Freedom is the right of _all sentient beings**-**_'

'Prime?' Megatron said after a pause, 'what are you doing?'

Prowl raised his helm warily and joined Ratchet's cautious gaze; he'd seen _through_ the cunning disguise?

'Simply spreading the good news?' Optimus suggested, sounding like a rabbit would in headlights (could a rabbit speak and realise what impending danger it was in).

Megatron stared at his disguised brother for a long moment; one could _see_ him thinking.

Thinking was not good, Prowl realised, Megatron _thinking_ would get them all killed. 'Get that lunatic out,' he commanded of Ratchet before turning to Megatron. 'I am so sorry about this, he keeps breaking loose. Thinks he's Optimus Prime; doesn't help that he looks so much like him.'

The CMO's fingers rippled before he pushed himself up from the chair and strode at Optimus.

'Out,' he hissed. 'Back to the padded cell.'

'But-!' Prime protested.

'Freedom is _not_ your right,' Ratchet continued, shoving him out, 'and if I ever hear you say it again you will suffer.'

After their exit, Prowl noted that the Decepticon was still staring after them. 'Lord Megatron.'

The massive mech's attention finally returned to him after a dismissive snort.

* * *

Ratchet was scowling disbelievingly. 'Prime, did you _have_ to talk about freedom? Do you want to ruin our pathetic disguises?'

'But he didn't recognise anybody else,' Optimus pointed out. 'This is completely unfair.'

'We should have foreseen it,' the Hummer said, 'but _really_ Optimus, he's your brother. If he was going to recognise anybody it would have been you. Just be grateful he didn't detect your spark.'

The other mech said nothing.

'...Prime? He didn't, did he?'

'Hang on,' the commander said suddenly, 'I'm receiving a transmission from- from- _Soundwave?'_

'You can't,' Ratchet said immediately, 'He'll be able to track you and realise something shifty is occurring. Block him.'

Optimus ruefully did so. 'What could Soundwave want with me?'

'I have no idea, but we have another matter to attend to.'

Ratchet and Optimus indeed had something else to do, and it started with 'Star' and ended in 'scream'.

I have no idea what it could be, they're a tricky lot.

The Autobots had stored the Seeker in a room much like the one with other mechs were currently arguing in; sparse with a table and seats.

As the commander and his CMO entered the room, Starscream looked much like he wanted to launch himself at them.

'If you attack us, you will certainly regret it,' Ratchet said. 'These sideburns are not just for show.'

'What is this?' Starscream demanded, glaring about with raised wings held stiffly.

'We're here to make you better,' Ratchet snarled, heedless of the angered Prime-glare directed right his way.

'What sort of mech wears a neckerchief or- or _hair_?' Starscream demanded.

'We're- hipsters,' Optimus supplied helpfully, recalling a group of carbon-loving eccentric Cybertronians from a long time ago.

The Seeker looked absolutely disgusted. 'Do you know how many of those I hunted down?'

'They were _neutrals_,' Prime growled. 'How _dare _you-'

Starscream, recognising a dangerous baritone when he heard one, dived behind the table.

Ratchet shot the other Autobot an impatient look. 'How is _threatening_ him going to help?'

'I didn't _threaten_ him,' the commander said indignantly. 'It isn't my fault if he overreacts-'

He was cut off by a sudden ear-splitting howl from underneath the table, and Starscream's helm popped over the edge, furious. 'How like Megatron you are!'

'I am nothing _like_ Megatron,' Optimus snapped, swiftly rising to his pedes and slamming his hands upon the table. 'Ratchet, I am going to kill someone.'

'That's okay, Optimus-lookalikey,' Ratchet said, 'as long as it's the pathetic excuse of a mech over there.'

Starscream quailed as the flamed Autobot's intense gaze met his own. 'Let us not be hasty! I am sure we can come to an arrangement-?'

'We certainly shall,' Ratchet agreed, 'do not doubt it. Down, Optimus.'

Prime regretfully seated himself, and so the medic continued cheerfully.

'Now, Starscream. Here's the deal: you tell us what we want to know, and I'll keep Optimus-lookalikey from savaging you.'

The bristling Seeker considered this. 'If he's just a doppelganger, I shouldn't fear him.'

'Shouldn't you? He went for another mech's face the other day, just to prove to the nonbeliever he could. Would you like to be his next test subject?'

'...No,' Starscream finally confessed, and then the silence began.

Ten minutes later, the Decepticon had begun incessantly tapping his talons on the surface.

This did not escape Ratchet's notice. 'Stop that, you malfunction.'

It did not escape a more concerned Prime's notice either. 'Starscream, how are you feeling?'

'How am I feeling?' Starscream repeated after a moment. 'How am I _feeling_?'

'Perhaps I should dismantle his processor,' Ratchet mused. 'His vocal processors are stuck.'

The Seeker hissed at him lowly. 'You have not only removed me from my_- home_ and deprived me of my rank, but also of my _purpose_.'

'Purpose?' Prime prompted.

'I swore allegiance to that mech,' Starscream said fiercely after a moment. 'And I do not break my word; I am no coward or liar. If he- _believes_ his treatment of me is just, then it is permitted.'

'But it is _not _just,' Optimus insisted. 'His abuse is ungrounded.'

'What am I to do about it? How does one approach their master and tell them they are wrong?'

'You seem to manage most often,' Ratchet pointed out.

'Over important things,' Starscream refuted.

'You aren't important?'

'I am still alive,' the Seeker pointed out, 'whereas any else who displease him are not. I believe I _am_ important.'

Optimus nearly facedesked. 'He still abuses you.'

'How _could_ you understand?' Starscream asked with a shrug.

'I am quite content _not_ understanding,' Ratchet said. 'Very happy, actually.'

'How would you like to see him?' Optimus asked. 'You could tell him these things, it might help.'

'He'd laugh at me,' Starscream confessed with a protruding lower lip.

'Laughter doesn't hurt,' Prime said comfortingly.

'Being mocked _does._'

'We shall all be there; inappropriate behaviour will not be tolerated.'

'Truly?'

'Truly.'

'I could leave if I wanted to?'

'Certainly.'

Ratchet rolled his optics discreetly. 'Can we just _get on with it_?'

* * *

'_Prowl_,' Optimus said over the comm., '_would Megatron be calm enough to see Starscream? Has enough progress been made_?'

The tactician thought about it, evaluating the sulky and still Decepticon in front of him. 'It shouldn't hurt. Besides, that might give us some progress by itself.'

'_Very well,_' Prime said, '_Consider the screeching lunatic on his way._'

Prowl immediately opened another comm. line to a mech sure to inspire progress and warm bubbly feelings. 'I need you here.'

'_Done_.'

'You will be excited about this,' Prowl told Megatron, hoping to inspire some sort of reaction.

Megatron grunted.

'Starscream is coming,' Prowl informed enthusiastically. 'Though first, there is a- mech I believe who can talk some sense into you. He specialises in-'

'_Everythin'!_' Jazz cried, bursting through the door with his sunglasses on. 'Now Megs, when he comes in I want yer to fling yer arms 'round him an' give him a big hug.'

'_What_?' Megatron demanded loudly, a snarl bursting forth without him even noticing.

'Let's remember the Temper Control mantra,' Jazz cried immediately and with too much delight. '_In-_ventilation, hold! …_Out_-ventilation. Sloooowwwwwlly. Repeat with me now- ready? In- hoooooooooooooooldddd- ooouuuuuut- let's go again-'

'Shut up,' Megatron snapped. 'This- what you're asking- is inappropriate.'

'Tell us how,' Prowl suggested politely.

'Personal space, dignity- have you heard of these words before?'

Prowl managed only to flinch slightly as Jazz leapt onto his back.

'Th'closer th'bettah,' Jazz decreed. 'No inhibition, no awkwardness, no restraint! C'mere big guy-' And he attempted to leap at Megatron, possibly to show him how easy hugging was.

With incredible speed for one so large, Megatron side-stepped: Jazz dove neatly into a crouch and found a cannon pointing at his helm.

'I prefer restraint,' Megatron hissed.

'Y'might well do, kinky beast, but there's a time an' place fer it.'

'Why you-' the Decepticon paused in mid-snarl, 'What do you even mean by that?'

'Well,' Jazz pointed out, 'Y'seem t'think ah mean something by it.'

'But you seem to think that there should be something by it-'

'Because y'think that there is-'

'You're trying to confuse me and _failing_,' Megatron growled.

'Mus' be 'cause ah think yer stupid,' Jazz said airily. 'Wondah why?'

'I can't bear this,' Megatron muttered.

'_Subject is talking to self_,' Sideswipe announced.

'I can't,' Megatron continued. 'I simply can't.'

'Subject is extremely volatile_,_' Sunstreaker hastily added.

'_Vol-a-tile,_' his brother agreed.

'OPTIMUUUUUUUUUUUUUS,' he roared.

Prime appeared unbelievably speedily, Ironhide peeking around him. 'Megatron?'

'I am going to kill these idiots,' the Decepticon said.

'Ah,' Optimus replied. 'Inadvisable.'

'I am aware.'

'So you aren't going to kill them.'

'I would like to. Life would be simpler.'

'You need to accept that sometimes you can't blow obstacles up,' Optimus said meaningfully.

Ironhide coughed.

'I agree with Ironhide's fluffy-cannoned counterpart,' Megatron said.

'I said nothing,' the Autobot claimed.

The silver mech corrected himself: 'I agree with your sneaky objection.'

'Good enough for me.'

'Anyway,' Prime said, 'there's a mech here to see you.'

Megatron didn't even care anymore- or at least he didn't until a scarred Seeker was pushed through the door.

'I've changed my mind!' Starscream wailed, scrabbling at Optimus' forearms.

'Get off me,' the Autobot ordered, and managed to thrust him into the room before disappearing with a relieved sigh.

Jazz looked at Megatron expectantly; the latter was blatantly ignoring him.

'Where's th'hug?' the small mech demanded, unable to take the silence.

Starscream looked at Megatron with clear disbelief and horror.

'Exactly,' the silver Cybertronian snarled triumphantly. 'That is _exactly_ what I told them.'

Prowl eyed the Decepticon warily as Jazz continued cheerily.

'So wha's th'problem with Megsytron, Starscream?'

'**_Megsytron_**?' the commander howled, springing over the table to assassinate Jazz. Although he hadn't settled on a method, he was sure that he could think of some delightful, excruciating deaths whilst he leapt.

Prowl grabbed Megatron and attempted to hold him back in a valiant but futile effort; the Autobot was only a quarter of his size.

The only hindrance in The Plan was the table itself- which successfully tripped him with its idiotic legs- but this was conquered quickly, and he reached out to-

'_Megatron_,' Starscream hissed, rubbing his forehelm in irritation, 'will you control yourself?'

The Decepticon Commander had paused when his subordinate spoke. He thought it all through, then decided simply to growl threateningly in Jazz's face.

The saboteur sat calmly and dinked Megatron on his nasal plating. 'Not yer turn, greedy turn-taker. Hush.'

Megatron nearly went berserk, but Prowl punched him in the face, thus distracting him long enough to avert another Kill Plan.

'Be civil,' the tactician swiftly babbled, inwardly wondering if he was about to die. 'Attacking Starscream's- mech- will produce nothing. It will set us back.'

'...Agreed.'

'And we are ready to continue,' Prowl informed, turning back to the table.

'Fin'ly,' Jazz snapped. 'Mah client an' ah have better things t'do. Starscream, tell 'im why he's retar- upsettin' you.'

Starscream thought.

'See?' Megatron pounced on the silence. 'He isn't upset. There _is_ no reason.'

'P'raps he's tryin' to choose th'_main _one,' Jazz disputed.

'Please,' Prowl said suddenly, 'could we not debate pointlessly? Let Starscream speak.'

'But he _isn't_ speaking!' the commander justified. 'He had the widest opportunity- wide enough even for him!- and just ignored it! The floor was very much open, and-'

'I think you're unspeakably and unnecessarily harsh.'

'Narh,' Jazz quickly cut in as Megatron rose furiously, 'y'gotta let'm finish, Megsy.'

'I am finished,' Starscream declared abruptly.

'Well,' Megatron said, 'that's good. Nothing much there that's a problem.'

Prowl glanced at the silver mech. 'Let's not be so dismissive; there are more constructive ways to-'

'And you don't appreciate me,' Starscream added abruptly.

Megatron shot him a dirty look. 'Thought you were finished.'

'I am.'

'We needa fresh start,' Jazz enthused. 'Lay aside yer past grievances!'

'We are not _like_ that,' the commander insisted half-heartedly. 'And we certainly do not _hug_.'

Starscream gave a growl of affirmation.

'So wha' are y'like?' the Autobot enquired. 'Y'like bashin' each other t'th'Pit every orn?'

'He doesn't bash me,' Megatron replied stiffly. 'I bash _him_.'

'Sometimes I bash you!' Starscream protested.

'And then I bash you into _oblivion_, Seeker.'

'Bash off!'

'No. Your bash is mine,' Megatron hissed.

'I don't even know what my bash is-'

'Nor do I but it sounds violent.'

'That's just the epitome of Megatron,' Starscream snarled. 'All brawn, no thought, just bashbashbash and if the problem isn't solved you're absolutely _flummoxed!_'

'Well excuse _me_,' the commander scowled. 'I never hear you complain.'

'I'm complaining now!'

'You should have complained before.'

'You hit me when I do!'

'Have you no conviction? Now that is _the epitome_ of Starscream: cowardice. Off you trot, spouting nonsensical ideas behind my back and then claiming brazenly to my face that it's _someone else's _idea; anything that shifts the blame-'

'You _hit_ me,' Starscream repeated sourly.

'Then you should give me very good _reasons_ not to,' Megatron said. 'I want to punch you right now, actually. Come a little closer.'

'No.'

'I'll punch you all the harder.'

'I am a new mech,' the Seeker announced, 'and I will not be ruled by you.'

'_Oh_,' Megatron said after a moment with suspiciously enthusiastic tones, 'so you're not a Decepticon anymore.'

'I never said that,' Starscream refuted.

'So you_ are_ a Decepticon.'

'Yes,' he admitted.

'And who leads the Decepticons?'

Starscream scowled. 'If I said-'

'If you said _anyone_ but I- Lord Megatron- you would be lying and you know it. So, er-' and Megatron inspected a claw- 'You _are_ ruled by me, subordinate.'

'Power levels,' Prowl commented. 'The power levels are unequal, and this must change.'

'Frag off,' Megatron said wearily. 'To promote him any higher essentially results in _my_ rank, and that occurs over my cold chassis. The first mech to comment that this is 'can be arranged' shall meet a slow death.'

'_I can arrange it,_' came a furious feminine voice over the comm..

(Arcee was not amused.)

Jazz suddenly flickered his visor. 'Ah mus' dispute yer earlier claim, Megs.'

'Dear Primus, what now?' Megatron demanded.

Prowl raised the optic ridge closest to him, indicating that he needed to stay calm. 'Please state your objection.'

'**_OBJECTION_**!' Sunstreaker cried, leaping up and throwing his arm out violently.

'You said- an' I quote, "that is the epitome of Starscream: cowardice".'

'Would you like a medal?'

'Megatron,' Prowl said. '_Please_.'

'What if I don't please?'

'Then I leave you to fight this by yourself,' the tactician replied warningly.

The Decepticon scowled. 'Very well. Get on with it, shortstuff.'

'Ah shall begin again,' Jazz declared.

'OBJECTION!' Sideswipe roared, jumping up just before Sunstreaker.

'What? _No, _Sides, you're Prowlie's Object-erer.'

Unsure of when this had been decided, the silver Corvette frowned before grinning triumphantly. 'I'm _Prowlie's_ objecterer, and you're _not_.'

'**_OBJECTION_**_!_' Sunstreaker cursed himself for his blunder. 'if you don't want to be I'm sure I can- I mean, Prowlie would prefer someone who can do it properly-'

'OBJECTION!' Sideswipe shouted, hands crashing down onto the table. 'I can do it perfectly well!'

Prowl pulled him back into his seat. 'Boys, there is a time and a place for objecting. It is not to be used for personal battles.'

'OBJECTION,' Sunstreaker cried, 'It's to be used whenever appropriate!'

Jazz cuffed him soundly. 'Did yer jus' defy Prowlie?'

The golden Autobot looked down, shamefaced. 'No, Prowlie. Sorry, Prowlie. Sorry, Jazz.'

Megatron glanced at Starscream to find the mech mirroring his disturbed disbelief.

'Tha's better,' the saboteur announced. 'Now, as I was sayin'.'

'Cowardice,' Prowl prompted.

'Cowardice,' Jazz agreed, 'is not what this mech's about.'

Megatron laughed.

Jazz nudged Sunstreaker firmly; after a momentary scowl as the golden mech checked his paintwork, he realised the dig's purpose. 'OBJECTION!' he shouted.

'Did mah client or did mah client _not_ repeatedly stand by yer side in battle?'

Client? _Client_? Megatron's processor nearly exploded.

'OBJECTION!' Sideswipe howled, Prowl having twiddled his fingers subtly.

'He was ordered to,' the tactician disputed. 'It makes no difference; he did little.'

'OBJECTION!'

'He didn't have ter,' Jazz insisted, 'He coulda just not turned up.'

'OBJECTION!'

'Of course he had to,' the tactician argued. 'It was an order.'

'He would have been severely beaten otherwise,' Megatron added helpfully; Prowl nodded his gratitude.

'That in't fair!' Jazz scowled.

'Well, I never heard him protest,' the Decepticon Commander sniffed.

'Maybe that's because you _weren't listening_ to any utterances that did not convey deference or compliance,' Starscream hissed.

'I see you're finally deigning to speak,' Megatron sneered, anger rising. 'Tired of hiding behind other mechs?'

'Would you rather I _didn't_ talk? Fine.'

'I just don't see why you're making this so difficult!'

'Ha, I like that; _I'm_ making this difficult-?'

'Must you repeat me?'

'Must you be so blind?'

Prowl watched Jazz settle back in his chair smugly. He had to admit they were both satisfied with their 'charges' finally interacting, albeit in a worryingly conflictive manner. Given time,

Prowl thought, his door wings relaxing ever so slightly, they might actually note progression. Subtly, he indicated that his boys were free to leave the small room- some spaces were just too confined for long periods of numerous egos.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe saluted perfectly to him, then giggled their way out, clearly unable to control themselves.

'Did you see the _look_ on his face-!' the golden Corvette was howling prematurely before the door closed again, cutting him off.

'How do you expect me to tell you when something is _wrong_, unfair- when you won't listen to me even if I do?' Starscream demanded, his weariness increasingly overcome by ferocity.

'Then mention it repeatedly,' Megatron said stubbornly, 'until I do hear you.'

'You hear, Megatron, you just won't _heed_.'

'Regardless, my prior statement stands.'

'How can you say that? Nothing has changed; even as we speak now you are _still_ not properly listening. Thrusting your own opinions forth as definites with no concern for-' here Starscream broke off, unwilling to continue.

Prowl and Jazz watched him closely, reluctant to prompt him further should the Decepticons both become reticent. Fortunately. it seemed that they were not the only mechs to notice this.

'Well?' Megatron demanded. 'Continue.'

'You'll laugh,' Starscream said stubbornly. 'I won't say.'

'I will not laugh,' the other said firmly, 'you have my word.'

'Which doesn't mean much when one considers prior experience, your own character and your _faction_.'

'Yeasyeass,' Megatron scowled, 'but I meant it quite solemnly. Think of it like such: if I do find it outwardly amusing, you know I am not sincere. If I stay true to my word, then that is proof of my conviction.'

'But your use of words indicates you may still find it inwardly amusing, I note.'

He held up a claw. 'Come now, you do provide me with much unintentional hilarity. To swear I will not laugh may actually be quite tricky.'

The scarred mech considered this; there were several potential outcomes.

One: Megatron did not find it funny at all- this was more than Starscream could hope for, actually, and something also improbable.

Two: he found it absolutely hilarious and would not be able to contain himself- this would be incredibly degrading and an unnecessary blow. Starscream knew his commander well, and thought this the most likely result. Did he really want to provoke more humiliation?

Thirdly: Megatron found it amusing but held back laughter. This would certainly be very intriguing; genuine evidence at last that showed that the silver mech did in fact want him back and was able to keep his word.

Starscream had compiled and debated the possible consequences in a matter of astroseconds, but continued his silence whilst visually evaluating his commander.

Megatron was waiting _almost _patiently, something that Starscream had believed near impossible. What was this? Megatron was not one for quiet nor stillness, no! He was a creature born of explosive movement and noise who simply _demanded_ attention, respect-

Starscream forcibly restrained his wandering, seemingly disgustingly Megatron-needy processor and instead used the revelation to bolster his courage: perhaps circumstances were changing, even if it was dreadfully slow and slightly.

Yes, definitely slowly- the Decepticon Commander had just let out an impulsive growl, albeit a soft one, betraying his internal struggle (Starscream would wager a good portion of him would rather be beating the information out), yet miraculously stayed put.

Being too proud to speak immediately and potentially stammer, instead Starscream carefully gathered both his courage and his words before speaking. 'Thrusting your own ideals forth as certainties without concern for my feelings,' he said finally, warily watching the other closely. 'Content now?'

Megatron twiddled a couple of claws (disturbingly, Starscream could not tell whether he had found the statement comical or not). Eventually he responded orally. 'You have feelings?'

Starscream realised too late he should have expected no less and huffed out a sigh that sounded more like a snarl. 'That's simply rude.'

Joking aside, the commander now looked genuinely baffled. 'But what do they matter?'

'What do they _matter_?' Starscream screeched, springing from his chair. 'Enough of this, it is futile-'

'Woah now,' Jazz said to him quietly, 'Ah think we gettin' somewhere. You wanna jus' strop out?'

'Strop out?' Starscream hissed furiously. 'I have just been whimsically accused of being emotionless and- if that wasn't sufficient- that any sentiments I might have are of no relevance at all!'

'He didn' say that,' the Autobot replied. 'Ah think he actually has no clue.'

The Seeker snapped his helm around slightly to glare at Megatron, who indeed looked nonplussed at his outburst.

'Did I say something insulting?' he asked of Prowl.

'I believe so,' the tactician replied, 'although I cannot fault your logical questioning. If one does not understand, it is imperative to find answers.'

Megatron had a sudden flash of inspiration, and, although it hurt his dignity slightly to do it, called out to his second. 'Will you explain?'

Starscream stared at him.

'I do not have _all orn_,' the commander said proudly, though he knew quite well the only reason he was _there_ was to retrieve the other mech. 'Sit, and hurry about it.'

The Seeker's aft met the chair, though he himself was still wordless.

Megatron managed to wait a whole astrosecond. '**Well**?'

'...What do you want me to say? What _can_ I say?' Well aware Megatron's already dire and tested patience was probably withering and crumbling, Starscream inwardly cursed himself for not taking the opportunity to 'explain', but he truly didn't know how to. 'I- I don't know _how_,' he pleaded as the mech rumbled lowly. 'How does one explain _feelings_?'

'I will show you,' Megatron snapped. 'I have a feeling right now. It urges me to wrap my claws around some part of yours and crush it. I could follow up on this feeling, should you desire.'

'Leading by example,' Prowl noted as Jazz gaped in horror, 'good work.'

'Do you happen to have any _feelings_ at this moment?'

Starscream stammered miserably. 'Fear?'

'Is that a _question_-?'

'No, no, no,' the Seeker rapidly corrected, 'definitely fear!'

Megatron had a warm bubbly feeling now, one he knew once quite well; he'd missed it. 'Is there no chance I could be left alone with him? One minute?' he asked of Prowl.

'No!' Jazz cried, 'I see th' evil in yer optics!'

'It is not my decision to make,' Prowl said. 'Nor is it my- _colleague's_.' He ignored Jazz's sinister look.

Megatron summoned his most threatening, pain-and-doom-promising glare and discreetly levelled it at Starscream.

Its potency nearly knocked the smaller mech off his chair; in actuality he sprang off it again with a blast of his thrusters and shot straight into the ceiling; with a cry he fell away and smashed into the floor.

'Well?' Prowl asked. 'What do you say?'

'I- I would love to?' Starscream stuttered, sitting up half-stunned.

'Why th'reaction?' Jazz demanded. 'If yer want t'be alone with him, why jump off yer chair?'

'Because I was so excited,' the Seeker declared hastily, wings twitching.

'I say yer looks like yer on drugs,' Jazz said. 'An' I _still_ say no, 'specially as Megs be rockin' that evil smug look.'

'He is addicted to something,' Megatron said, 'but it is not drugs. Clearly it is my presence and he has been starved enough of it.'

Prowl considered everything. 'No, we cannot leave you two alone on your first meeting. And as such, it is probably time to end-'

He was interrupted by a furious snarl.

'Nonono,' Starscream added hurriedly, 'Lord Megatron wants me to explain. I shall explain.'

'Then hurry,' Prowl said, 'because you do not have long.'

'Let me think,' Starscream said pleadingly, clutching his helm.

'Ah,' Megatron said, 'as if you ever need more time to _think, _Starscream. Don't I know how fast your little processor works?'

'But I have to translate my answer into words that will not offend you,' the Seeker said, 'and even _then_ I have to pre-plan and tailor my next responses to your potential reaction, so really-'

'_Enough_,' Megatron scowled, 'I did not desire your inane ramblings.'

'But you have _asked_ me to explain,' Starscream replied defiantly. 'Now you tell me to be silent?'

Megatron laughed briefly then whilst the other mech stood confused, half-tempted to bolt, half-confident he didn't need to.

'_There_ is that flicker,' Megatron said proudly. 'There is the Starscream I need.'

'Then you must ask yourself how many Starscreams are _here, _and how many you are willing to put up with.'

'All I want is the mech I made my Air Commander. Not the flatterer, nor the coward, nor the incompetent.'

Starscream's face twisted in displeasure. 'Mechs _change_, Lord Megatron. Are you who you once were?'

'Danger lies in words,' Megatron said lowly, 'so speak them not so freely. You overstep a boundary that is well-guarded.'

The Seeker knew he was being provocative now, but he could not help it. 'Ah, so you would order me to acknowledge my own change whilst you deny yours!'

'I have not _changed_-'

'Tell that to Prime,' Starscream shrugged casually. 'I am sure he feels the same way. Does he still truly consider you his brother?'

And within a moment he was trying to scramble backwards through a wall before a rumbling cannon pressed against his forehelm.

'Whilst I readily admit I am fond of your repartee,' Megatron hissed darkly, 'I find you forget your place.'

'I apologise, master-'

'Even when _warned_ you seem unable to repress yourself- would you _like_ me to hurt you?'

'No!' Starscream squawked instantly, tentatively pawing at the other's arm. 'Forgive me, my lord, I meant nothing by it-'

'**_Silence_**. You meant _everything_ by it,' Megatron said lowly. 'And you and I both know that.'

The smaller Decepticon heeded his commander's order and did not speak, instead averting his optics to somewhere else- _anywhere_ _else_ than meeting Megatron's furious gaze.

Every quiet word was brimming with venom. 'If you speak a word of Optimus out of turn again, you shall regret it every orn until your _last_.'

The Seeker nodded feverishly.

Megatron patted him gently on the cheekplates- with his _cannontip_. 'Now, what did you want to say about your feelings?'

Starscream quavered miserably and stammered, optics barely daring to glance to the cannon in case it caused offence.

'What is wrong _now_-! Starscream, what or who are you not to discuss nonchalantly?'

'Prime,' the sort-of second replied instantly.

'I would assume he has nothing to do with your feelings. Thus, speak as you would.'

'Cannon?' Starscream prompted hopefully.

Megatron stared at him for a moment, unsure as to whether the Seeker wanted to _be_ 'cannon[ed]', whether he _wanted_ a cannon, or- ah, possibly the cannon directly next to his face was off-putting. Feeling ingenious, Megatron subspaced it.

Unfortunately, as soon as the weapon disappeared, Jazz and Prowl were somehow between them, forcing them apart.

'That's _quite enough_,' Prowl said heatedly as Jazz ushered Starscream away with furious streams of 'How _dare_ yer attack mah client!'

'Couldn't you have controlled yourself?' the tactician demanded once they had gone. 'Thrusting a cannon in his face like that, you clearly haven't learned anything at all!'

Megatron felt like telling him that that _was_ control.

Had he really _attacked_ Starscream? No.

Had he left any physical imprint? No.

This was ridiculous, so he started sulking. And, whilst sulking, realised he wanted to speak to Optimus. _This_ couldn't continue, he'd lose his sanity or kill everyone in the vicinity until Starscream was returned.

With the cheering thought that this might actually work, he calmly stood and blew a giant hole in the wall before plodding out, completely oblivious to the protests of the Autobots behind him.

Now, where would Optimus be hiding?

* * *

Optimus was in fact having his right arm inspected by Ratchet, which the latter was convinced had a slight stiffness to it. The former was discontentedly seated on a large crate with the luminous Autobot standing by his side, scanning the limb whilst tugging and rotating it incessantly.

This prodding and staring made the commander shifty; desperately he tried to work out how to distract the insistent medic.

'Say,' he said after some hasty thinking, 'didn't Ironhide have a check-up today?'

'This is true. He is to be seen later.'

'How- how much later?' the tall mech blurted, unable to repress his urgency. 'Soon?'

Ratchet paused for barely an astrosecond to meet Optimus' wide optics. 'Nothing on this planet or any other will divert my attentions away from your care.'

Care? _Care?_- as his medical officer, his advisor, his _friend_- Prime appreciated the other Autobot, he truly did, but _care_ was not the right word for Ratchet's ministrations. 'Your conviction is touching, but I know not what you infer,' he claimed in valiant denial as his arm's joints were manipulated this way and that, 'I would never try to interrupt you-'

'Of course not.'

'-in the middle of something _important_,' Optimus continued, 'but this is both pointless and uncomfortable.'

The arm was held still. 'Uncomfortable.'

'Not _now_,' Prime said, 'but it was, what with your twisting and manoeuvring.'

'Pointless,' Ratchet then repeated, and the commander noted an offended undercurrent to his tone.

Oh dear.

'Not _pointless_,' he hastily tried to soothe, 'just- it isn't a massive ordeal and you're convinced it is one-'

'So you're content to let it be,' Ratchet said, dropping his limb immediately and staring at him intently. He didn't seem upset anymore, just... blank.

'Quite.' Had he actually managed to dissuade the CMO? It was a refreshing surprise; clearly Ratchet had realised he was being obsessive. Prime manoeuvred himself off the crate, and was making swiftly for an exit when the other mech spoke again.

'For all your training, I tell you now Optimus, battling with _one arm_ will be difficult even for you.'

The exasperated commander paused to give his arm an experimental twizzle. 'One arm? Ratchet, you _exaggerate_. My arm is fine.'

'It is not,' the medic insisted, pacing after him (clearly Optimus had wrongly read him as disinterested), 'it is definitely hindered. When you next battle, what do you suppose will happen if this seizes up? Or if it is slightly slower than you are used to or require?'

Optimus eyed his arm in horror. 'Do you really believe that could happen?'

'It is a definite.'

He looked stubbornly terrified. 'How long do I have left?'

'Optimus,' Ratchet said exasperatedly, momentarily considering jumping on the mech and trying to physically subdue him, 'what odious mindset is that? I can treat it _now _if you will let me and you will not risk it at all.' He watched as the larger mech shifted weight from pede to pede for a couple of moments. 'This is very childish, Prime.'

'You'll never take me alive!' Optimus cried, diving out of the room.

Ratchet rubbed his nasalplating once with a heavy ventilation before following.

Optimus charged away, mentally plotting the fastest route to the outdoors: if he could get there and transform, then he could make a speedy getaway and hide somewhere until Ratchet's arm-obsession had blown over. This seemed like his best option and the only one to avoid pain, so he focused entirely on forming the plan as he moved.

He was so intent on this idea that he didn't notice a massive silver shape step out in front of him from another corridor until it was nearly too late; he screeched to a halt a mere inch from his brother.

Optimus coughed politely. 'So, Megs. How's it going-?'

Megatron kicked a wall moodily. 'Spiffing, Ops.'

'Any progress?'

'Do you see Starscream _here_?' He gestured manically to his side.

'No,' Optimus admitted cautiously.

'Then there is not progress,' Megatron ranted. 'Progress? What progress can there be without resolution? I want him back _immediately_. This nonsense must cease! We have Autobots to kill. They could be planning an attack right this moment!'

'I can guarantee they aren't,' Prime assured. 'Besides, think of it more positively. Have you been considering Starscream's feelings?'

'Starscream's feelings _this_, Starscream's feelings _that_! Why isn't anybody considering **_my_** feelings?' Megatron demanded hotly.

Optimus chose his next words carefully. 'Because you are the catalyst, the cause. If the catalyst- _changes_, adapts, then there will be a different reaction and a different product.'

The Decepticon listened carefully. 'Ah.'

'Do you see?'

'My actions affect others,' Megatron concluded.

Optimus did not comment that this was something sparklings were capable of understanding. 'Let us proceed slowly, Megatron. Who is to say you have to become completely different to achieve your goal?'

'You mean to say I could pretend to be changed now and then beat him up as normal?'

'No,' he said witheringly, 'as this would only happen again. Think of it more as a subtle change or two in your behaviours and everyday mannerisms.'

Megatron thought about this. 'Perhaps I needn't shove him roughly into walls when we are walking- I say walking, but I suppose I mean when _I _walk and he waddles. He waddles, Optimus. What sort of dignified Decepticon waddles?'

'Accept him for who he is,' Prime tried. 'He cannot help waddling. He is- wide and oddly shaped.'

'Don't you call Starscream oddly shaped,' Megatron threatened, demeanour instantly darkening.

'Oddly shaped in comparison to most mechs,' Optimus clarified. 'Obviously caused by his alternate, which is rather divine.'

'Want him for the Autobots, do you?' the other demanded angrily.

Here the red and blue mech seemed trapped. To answer _yes_ would enrage his brother, to answer _no_ would further insult him. When had everything become so complicated? 'We would welcome any to the Autobots if they believed in our cause,' Prime said carefully.

'Hang on, what _were_ you doing?' Megatron demanded, suddenly recalling Optimus had been rocketing towards him at some speed.

'Escaping. Yourself?'

'Much the same, were I not Megatron and thus do not flee from anything.'

'Good. Did you require me at all?'

'No.'

'In that case I shall take my leave-' Optimus declared, attempting to walk past the Decepticon.

Megatron moved into his path. 'What do you escape from?'

'I am currently not escaping anywhere much,' Prime pointed out, 'as an escape infers that I am breaking free from some restraint or oppression rather than standing in the corridor talking.'

'Tell me.'

Optimus tried to get by his brother's mass once more and utterly failed. With a growl, he confessed. 'Ratchet.'

'A brave escape,' Megatron evaluated, 'very brave. If not pointless and suicidal.'

'Nothing is wrong with me!' Prime roared. 'Why should I be subjected to his poking and prodding and judgemental stare!'

'I am sure he has good reason.'

'He _doesn't_,' the Autobot protested. 'Let me past, I must put distance between us lest he find me.'

'One moment, I believe I _did_ want to talk to you.' Something menacing lurked behind those red optics; something unspoken and brooding, something that Optimus felt compelled to be even further away from.

'Do you want me to be subjected to his attentions-? You know as well as I once he starts he won't stop- I'll be forced to undergo his attentions for hours! I'll be lucky if I get away with minor surgery-'

'If I remember rightly, it is always for the best,' Megatron said.

Optimus nearly recoiled in surprise. Instead, he shifted into a readier stance should he need a more aggressive tactic. 'I will pass.'

'As I said,' Megatron repeated, 'it was a brave attempt to flee, Optimus.'

'And a _short _one,' a low voice said from behind.

Prime turned his helm in horror; Ratchet was approaching quickly. With a wordless cry of despair he once more tried to dive past Megatron; this time the larger mech grabbed and held him firmly by a wrist.

'No-! Release me,' Optimus ordered, pushing at him demandingly. '_Now_.'

Megatron gave him a half-amused, half-pitying look.

'Please?'

'Thank you,' Ratchet said to Megatron as Prime tugged desperately with varying grunts and growls. 'For such a child, he is _too_ big; would you mind delivering him a little way for me?'

'Not at all.'

Ratchet clearly felt the need to patronise his commander further. 'See, Optimus? The arm was too slow, hampered your reflexes. Couldn't have avoided Megatron even if you'd known it was coming far before. We'll fix it presently, do not fear.'

'I am not going anywhere!' Optimus cried, attempting to bite Megatron's claws in-between words, 'by Primus I'll not suffer your surgery!'

'It will be this way,' Ratchet said, completely ignoring him and heading back down the corridor, 'if you would, Megatron.'

'_Ow_,' Megatron scowled at a particularly vicious gnaw and cuffed the flamed mech. 'You horrid runt of a twerp-'

'You can't _make _me go,' Optimus protested, desperately trying to wrench the claws off with his free hand. 'I'm a Prime!'

'That doesn't work with me; I'm your brother,' the silver Cybertronian said, 'and as such you'll listen.'

'I will not, you traitor!'

And with that, Optimus obstinately dug his pedes in.

Megatron noticed the slight movement with a heavy sigh. 'You'll _ruin_ the floor.'

'I do not care. It can be repaired; my sanity can't. I won't return there!'

'You won't go willingly?'

'You have my wrist in a _vice grip; _I don't want to do anything you say. I shall go willingly if you release me.'

'I don't believe you.'

'I only ever tell the truth,' Optimus declared frantically.

'Hmm. Then answer me this: the easy or difficult way?'

'Who is it easy or difficult for?'

'For me.'

'As if I would make anything easy for you!'

'Thought so,' Megatron said, sounding completely unbothered. 'Oh well, I don't mind.' And as he spoke, the huge mech simply pulled the resistant party closer, then tucked him under an arm- oblivious to the near desperate struggling opposing him- and started on his way down the corridor.

'_Megatron!_' Prime shouted after a grunt or two of dismay whilst wriggling manically, 'put me down immediately!'

'Optimus, you know squirming will do you no good at all.'

'Lies, I shall be free of your clutches within moments-'

Moments continued to pass with Optimus in Megatron's clutches.

'You can't _do_ this!' Optimus protested again, awkwardly attempting to punch at him.

'I certainly _am_. And you know when I said it would be either easy or difficult?'

Optimus refused to answer, and instead focused on trying to pry Megatron's arm away from his waist.

'I lied. This isn't difficult at all. Why,' the silver mech said fondly as- accompanied by a particularly fierce growl- a violent movement nearly connected a vicious headbutt to him, 'you're just like you used to be. A lot like Starscream too, simply less screechy.'

'I do not _screech_!' Prime howled. 'I cannot!'

'Obviously. But your noises are far less damaging to my audios. Ah-!' he sighed suddenly, and sounded quite pained.

Optimus futilely heaved at his brother's arm once. 'What?'

'Starscream,' Megatron said sadly.

The flamed mech noticed the wistful tone and would likely (under a more normal circumstance) have comforted him. Instead, he saw an opportunity. 'I can help you-'

'Help me _what_?'

'Help you find him,' Optimus hastily said. 'Just- just let me go and I'll help you.'

Megatron stopped walking- that was the only warning the Autobot had before he was abruptly slammed into a wall, one clawed hand pressing painfully on his throat and the other's clawtips resting dangerously on the centre of his chest armour. 'I swear to you, Prime, I will take my anger out on your s_park_ if you lie to me. Comprehend?'

Optimus rumbled at him, optics blazing; he couldn't risk moving. He doubted that Megatron _would_ attack him, but he certainly wasn't fond of unnecessary pain. No, he would remain still and converse, if that was what the larger mech wanted.

Megatron took his noise for compliance. 'Do you know where he is? Speak up, now.'

'No,' Prime spat. It was true enough; he didn't know exactly where the Seeker was hiding. 'This is wholly unnecessary, Megatron. I would answer your questions _without_ being threatened and pinned against a wall. '

'But would they be _truthful_ answers?'

'Of course they would, **imbecile**. I can hardly lie to you.'

'I cannot release you,' Megatron said almost apologetically. 'Not until I have my answers; if they are unsatisfactory I will still take you to Ratchet.'

Optimus attempted to push the other mech away again, but he was much too heavy and close; no leverage could be gained. 'If you were organic you'd be _obese_, Megatron.'

The silver Cybertronian's face screwed up in disgust as he considered it. 'At least I could squash all the meaningless twig-insects.'

'_Stick_-insects.'

'**Enough**. Your spark, Optimus.'

'You certainly have a nerve,' the Autobot said, bristling, feeling a brusque psychic prodding at his spark. 'After all this time, you'd abuse our link to _interrogate_ me?'

'I will do what I must.'

'And if I'd rather face Ratchet?'

'Your choice, brother.'

'Then you be honest with _me_,' Prime risked. 'Your spark for mine.'

'As you so rightly said, I am the one interrogating _you_, not the other way around.'

Optimus abruptly realised he couldn't risk jeopardising the whole 'operation'; if Megatron had access to his spark he'd know everything. 'Then I refuse.'

'Do you know _anything_ about where my Seeker is?' Megatron repeated dangerously, continuing to press on Optimus over their link.

'I'd guess he was probably on the planet,' Prime retorted with difficulty, though he couldn't even be sure of that seeing as Starscream _had_ actually disappeared after being ushered around by Jazz.

'Have you had any contact with him?'

What, _ever_? 'We've been battling for eons, I'd say we had contact every now and then-'

'Do not _test me_.'

'You are accusing me of something I have not done; forgive me if I am a little sharp!'

'You said you would help me find him,' Megatron said suspiciously. 'How, if you know not where he is?'

'Four optics are better than two,' Optimus replied. 'And two factions are better than one. I assume the Decepticons _are_ searching for him?'

For the first time, Megatron looked awkward.

'It is humiliating to have your second _taken away_ from you,' he finally said. 'Soundwave knows the truth; all else think he is on a mission but for his trine who grow doubtful, though they dare not voice it.'

'Surely _Soundwave _could locate him?'

'Soundwave is inexplicably befuddled and incompetent.'

'I will help you,' the Autobot said, 'if you let me _go_.'

Blue optics met red in a clear plea.

* * *

'_Finally- _ah,' Ratchet said a minute later, noticing Optimus being hauled into his medbay, 'the puny waist hold. I haven't seen that technique in a while.'

Prime snarled at him.

'It's not overly an insult,' the medic replied. 'Your chassis and shoulders are a little disproportionate to your waist. I'm surprised nobody but Megatron ever used it against you.'

'No one else is as equal a fat prat,' Optimus said, managing to land a kick to Megatron's leg, albeit a pathetic one.

'Haha**haaa**,' the Decepticon false-laughed. 'Ratchet, make him hurt.'

'This isn't _fair_,' the flamed mech cried, 'ganging up on me-'

Megatron cackled. 'Afraid, are you?'

'I am _not_,' Optimus refuted immediately. 'It- it isn't necessary, that's all!'

'And _I _have told you that it is,' Ratchet said. 'I can't have a one-armed commander. Restrain him if you would, Megatron!'

'I'm almost sorry for you,' the silver mech said guiltily as he forced a struggling Optimus onto Ratchet's Evil Table of Inspection.

'I am _never_ talking to you _again_,' Prime snarled, attempting to rip Megatron's face off and failing. 'And certainly not helping you!'

Megatron pouted furiously.

'See,' Ratchet said again before preparing to induce his commander into stasis, 'were your arm in perfect condition you might have been able to make that.'

Optimus swore he would never talk to _any_ of them again.

* * *

**It seems this fic is fated to be updated (I do love a rhyme) about every ten months or so, thus I leave you in suspense. Only joking! Hopefully it will be out far before next year. (; Tatty-bye till then! :D**


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